Hope is never alone

Thought of the day: Fasting hopelessness 

Hope is never alone

On St. Patrick's day we are reminded of the story of a man who found hope when he thought he was alone. 

During Patrick's boyhood, the Roman empire was near collapse and too weak to defend its holdings in distant lands. Britain became easy prey for raiders, including those who crossed the Irish sea from the land known as Hibernia or Ireland. When Patrick was sixteen, he was seized by raiders and carried off to Ireland.

Most of what is known about St. Patrick comes from his own Confession, written in his old age. In his Confession he wrote about his capture:

After Patrick was captured and taken to Ireland as a slave by an Irish chieftain named Niall, he was sold to another chieftain in northern Ireland. Much of Patrick's time was spend alone on the slopes of Slemish Mountain, tending his master's flocks of sheep. During the long, lonely hours in the fields and hills of Ireland, Patrick found comfort in praying. In his Confession he wrote:

...
" every day I had to tend sheep, and many times a day I prayed -- the love of God and His fear came to me more and more, and my faith was strengthened. And my spirit was moved so that in a single day I would say as many as a hundred prayers and almost as many in the night, and this even when I was staying in the woods and on the mountains; ... and I felt no harm, and there was no sloth in me -- as now I see, because the spirit within me was fervent."
"As a youth, nay, almost as a boy not able to speak, I was taken captive ... I was like a stone lying in the deep mire; and He that is mighty came and in His mercy lifted me up, and raised me aloft ... And therefore I ought to cry out aloud and so also render something to the Lord for His great benefits here and in eternity -- benefits which the mind of men is unable to appraise." 

St. Patrick found hope during his time of slavery. He was taught by God the power of the trinity. As he prayed from his spirit he connected with his savior who presented his lonely heart to the creator of the universe. In return God's peace flowed through the Son to the Spirt who lived within St. Patrick. He was being taught relationship, community and unity alone on the slopes of a mountain. I'm guessing the mountain was covered with shamrocks because he used them to illustrate to others the relationship of the trinity. The shamrock has one stem, but three leaves.. We are the stem that connects to the three; Father, Son and Holy Spirit. 

Our hope is found in the Holy Spirit who is within us... We are never alone.

"I still have many things to tell you, but you can’t handle them now. But when the Friend comes, the Spirit of the Truth, he will take you by the hand and guide you into all the truth there is. He won’t draw attention to himself, but will make sense out of what is about to happen and, indeed, out of all that I have done and said. He will honor me; he will take from me and deliver it to you. Everything the Father has is also mine. That is why I’ve said, ‘He takes from me and delivers to you." John 16:12-15 MSG

Hope laughs

Thought of the day: Fasting hopelessness 

My hope laughs

Laughter is a weapon given to us by God. 

He will still fill your mouth with laughter, your lips with shouting (Job 8:21) 

God laughs at the wicked - because God always has the final word.

"The Lord shall laugh at him: for he sees that his day is coming. ( Ps 37:13)

God causes us to laugh at those who would cause destruction.

"The righteous also shall see, and fear, and shall laugh at him..." (Ps 52:6)

Why would God want us to laugh?

Laughter eliminates fear 

It comes from a loving God who knows laughter defeats the enemy every time. 

In trying times, laughter is faith that sees the promised victory!

God is in charge 

He told Job:

"At destruction and famine you shall laugh: neither shall you be afraid of the beasts of the earth." (Job 5:22)

"Laughter - uncontrollable joy.

Laughter does a heart Good, like a medicine

When enabled, laughter walks on the wings of the wind . . . upon clouds, and is carried in God’s arms

It is the garment of praise unleashed into a broken world

Laughter is the echo of the vacant grave . . ."- Mabel Andlers

I see hope in the "pits" of life.

Thought of the day: fasting hopelessness 

I see hope in the "pits" of life.

"So when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him of his robe, the robe of many colors that he wore. 24 And they took him and threw him into a pit. The pit was empty; there was no water in it." 

Genesis 37:23-24

I have been studying the story of Joseph, on and off, for the past 2 years. 

During this time I have also been running into a reoccurring theme of :"love God, love others."

Jesus replied: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself."

Matthew 22:37-39

I was not sure why these two themes kept presenting themselves to me ... until this past week.

 In the beginning of the story of Joseph, we see his brothers ,who hated him, throw him into a pit. They wanted him dead because he was a dreamer and he was his father's favorite. God had given him a dream that one day he would reign over his father and brothers. When he shared this dream with his family, he ended up on a path that led to pits of slavery and prison. 

Lets just say this did not look very promising. He spent the next 13 years in captivity wondering if his God dream would ever come true. He suffered greatly in the pit, but he also must have hoped greatly too. I believe the pit was a place where God prepared him for his dream. 

His pit was his school. 

In the pit he learned all the skills he would need to reign. I think he also learned in the pit to love God so he could love others. Which by the way is the greatest of all the commandments. 

He made the pit a place where he learned to lean on God. It was a place where God filled his hollow broken heart with love so he could some day love "the others" who tried to kill him.

Could our pits be a place where we learn to do what Jesus said was most important? A place where we learn to love God with all our heart, soul and mind so that we can love our neighbor as our self.

While we lean on God in our pit, His perfect love restores our hearts. It is a journey where the heart goes from hollow to whole. When your heart is whole with Gods love it will overflow to others. 

The pit restored Josephs heart to be able to say to the brothers  who hated him, "do not fear , I will take care of you".

  "Joseph replied, “Don’t be afraid. Do I act for God? Don’t you see, you planned evil against me but God used those same plans for my good, as you see all around you right now—life for many people. Easy now, you have nothing to fear; I’ll take care of you and your children.” He reassured them, speaking with them heart-to-heart." 

Genesis 50:19-21

My hope is: I have a Savior

Thought of the day: fasting hopelessness 

My hope is: I have a Savior; I'm not mine or anyone else's savior.

Have you thought?

1. I've got to fix this.

2. This is my fault, so I will fix this.

3. I feel so bad for them so I will fix them.

The burden we feel to fix ourselves or fix others can be overwhelming. I believe that we can get in the way of how God wants to deal with us by thinking we can do the fixing on our own. Truth is God will allow us to choose “our will” over “His will”. That is what makes Him a loving God. He will never make us choose Him or His will. We must see that our need to fix is really our way of taking on the role of "Savior". When we do this we eventually become overwhelmed and worn out. Not a bad place to be if you turn to the true Savior, Jesus Christ and confess you've stepped in His place. Then confess your need “to fix” and ask Him to take the place of the fixer, healer, deliverer. Our obedience in this area is foundational to hope. It ushers in rest for you "the fixer" and builds trust that God's heart is best. Remember, God knows this is a process. It’s all about recognizing good and evil, real and false.

"There could be no true obedience from the heart unless there was the freedom to disobey"-Rick Joyner

Being Obedient by allowing God to be God is hard! Especially when someone we love hurts for a long period of time. We must remember that our job is to encourage and pray. To be an example of God’s healing and delivering power. To know and trust that we have prayed and placed that person in God’s hands. And to realize that sometimes all we can offer is a hug and the simple words of hope "This is a season and it will pass." You can believe it because it’s proven to be true in my own life. God saved me and He will save you!

The hope we hang onto is if we do our job God can do His Job.

Jesus is our vision of hope

Thought of the day: fasting hopelessness 

Jesus is our vision of hope

The cross before Jesus represented death. Our view was one dimensional . We could only see the power it had to steal, kill and destroy. 

But

The cross after Jesus represents power over death. Our view is now multidimensional. Now we see the power it has to restore, resurrect and renew. 

We see so simply that anything can change after an encounter with Jesus. He changed our view of their electric chair from gruesome to glorious. 

"it is finished" were three words spoken by our savior that changed our view of the cross forever. They opened the door to hope. 

He encountered our worst fear, death, and said to it- enough! 

Our hope is He had and still has the final word to our gruesome circumstances. Our hope trusts that His encounter with them will restore, resurrect and renew 

Believe that in our encounter with Jesus He will say, enough, I have come to give you life!

Hope forgives

Thought for the day; fasting hopelessness 

Hope forgives because forgiveness always ushers in new life. 

I'm so glad that hope see's past sin, confusion, heartbreak and my broken way of seeing things.

"Jesus prayed, “Father, forgive them; they don’t know what they’re doing.” Dividing up his clothes, they threw dice for them. The people stood there staring at Jesus, and the ringleaders made face...s, taunting, “He saved others. Let’s see him save himself! The Messiah of God—ha! The Chosen—ha!”

Luke 23:34 MSG 

How hopeful! That our Father would see past His own heartbreak to pray forgiveness for those who were putting Him to death. You know what I think He saw when He looked down from the cross as He died? I think He saw the hearts of His Fathers children losing hope. I believe that somewhere deep in their hearts they wanted Him to be God in that moment. I think they wanted to see the power of an almighty powerful God come and save His son. Their hope was dying right before their eyes and Jesus knew it. His prayer was for them to not make agreements with their hopelessness in the deep pit of heartbreak. 

Truth is Gods ways are different than our ways. New life always comes after old life (the worlds ways). And it all begins with forgiveness . We must learn to see through His eyes, His heart. Our Hope was born the day Jesus died on the cross. 

Our hope is secure because Jesus forgives.

Hope focuses on joy.

Thought of the day: fasting hopelessness 

Hope focuses on joy. The joy of The Lord is our strength. 

Don't allow your circumstance to shape your belief in God.

Allow your belief (His word) to shape your circumstance.

Hope keeps its eyes on the joy set before to overcome present circumstances. Jesus was able to endure dying on a cross by focusing on the joy of conquering death. 

The more we know... Him, the more we love Him, the more we trust Him.

Truth: God loves me. He is always with me and has great plans for me.

"We must focus on Jesus, the source and goal of our faith. He saw the joy ahead of him, so he endured death on the cross and ignored the disgrace it brought him. Then he received the highest position in heaven, the one next to the throne of God."

Hebrews 12:2

GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995)

Hope is trust in Gods perfect outcome.

Thought of the day: fasting hopelessness 

How can we hope in trust when bad things happen to good people?

We trust in a Sovereign God. 

He has supreme power and authority. Nothing happens in our lives without passing through the loving hands of God. I know this truth is hard to believe. I have wrestled with it for 8 years. The night before my son's funer...al, was the first time I heard someone say to me, "God is Sovereign". A big word for my grief filled mind and heart to understand, but it's what I needed to navigate my way through grief. I needed a God bigger and stronger than my circumstances that day. I needed a God that gave me hope that the world could not offer. The night my son died here on earth was also the night he was born back into heaven. He went home, the home where I HOPE with confident expectation to one day be reunited with his precious embrace. 

Yes , bad things happen. I honestly believe He does not cause them but He is the answer to them. The hope He gave to me as I gave Him my grief was peace and joy. I am surprised and thankful for the lack of bitterness and resentment in my life. 

A truth I held on to was Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD. They are plans for good and not disaster- to give you a future and a hope"-Jeremiah 29:11

His plans always lead us from our bondage to His freedom. So my trusting hope is always rooted in His love that works all things for good.

Hope requires us to choose.

Thought of the day: fasting hopelessness 

Hope requires us to choose. 

When I pray for hope in exchange for my worries my desire to obtain Gods help for an outcome MUST be rooted in the Character of Gods Spirit. 

If they are not rooted in Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-control ...I pray that God would change my desire and re-root them. 

This is... the process of active faith - transform your mind to see suffering as a producer of the ability to endure and obtain character that hopes in Gods love to work all things for good.

Steps to walk it out:

Is our hope motivated/rooted by our flesh (evil) or Gods Spirit?

Hope - a desire motivated by our character.

Our character - a set of characteristics that make up who we are, they define us a person.

Characteristics of Gods Spirit - Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-control . 

Our Character - the qualities (gifts) we receive as we Endure our suffering. 

Endurance- ability received as we experience our suffering.

"We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."- Romans 5:3-

Additional thought for today's fast of hopelessness

Is the suffering I'm enduring producing/making me lean upon :love,joy,peace,patience,kindness,goodness,faithfulness or self control?

Check your fruit, if you feel bitterness, anger or resentment ask God to help you work your way through those feelings and to transform them into the fruits of the spirit.

Why is it so hard to hope?

Thought of the day: fasting hopelessness 

Why is it so hard to hope? Is it because hope requires us to hold on to the promise of the good that is yet to come? What if the good never came? We have all experienced disappointment, sickness, lost friendships, death, lost passions and dreams. The temptation at this point is to stop hoping so we can avoid the pain that disappointment and loss often bring.

Truth is, hope can be painful. It requires us to surrender to our fears and to become vulnerable to trust. This kind of hope believes that we will not be forgotten, that God is really with us each step of the way. 

Asking for hope in exchange for our worries only deepens our sense of thirst and ache for His presence in our lives. Yes, hope is risky but it promises to lead us as we follow it to a life more abundant. 

"Narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. "- Matt. 7:14

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Create and cultivate an environment for hope to thrive

Thought of the day: fasting hopelessness 

Create and cultivate an environment for hope to thrive. 

The battle being fought over our hope begins in our mind, listen to your thoughts. 

Truth is that the enemy is more attracted by what you think than what you do. Your first line of defense is knowing who you are in Christ, this will determine how you think. The only way to know who you are in Christ... is to know what He thinks about you. If you know what God has to say about you then the lies of the enemy seem silly. 

If we begin each morning asking God for hope then we are creating an environment where God can thrive, work in our lives. Our petition for hope ushers is a confident expectation for Gods supernatural help. Cast out the lies of the enemy that produce distress , an environment that cultivates opportunity for the enemy's accusations which cause us not to trust. 

Remember, you were chosen by Him, while you were in your sin, to be someone He would die for. He loves us more than we can ever imagine... Begin to imagine, how He loves:)

Meditate on this truth today. Allow it to cultivate hope!

"So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:

They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.

We’re sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us" -Romans 31-39 MSG 

Our hope is placed in a Savior that's focus is restoration.

Thought of the day: fasting hopelessness 

Our hope is placed in a Savior that's focus is restoration.

"A saint is not someone who is good but who experiences the goodness of God"

- the ragamuffin gospel

I began to search for hope when I realized that my messy life was a result of trying to do good apart from God. Any efforts I make to lead, guide, counsel, create, clean up or make better are no ...good without Christ. My hopelessness was, "look at what a mess I've made, how in the world will I ever clean up my life and the lives I had affected."

The hope that replaces that worry is, my God is a God of restoration. His plan all along was to help me understand how much I am in need of Him in all things I do. I confess I need Him and lay all my mess at His feet. This opens the door to His grace that allows His power to restore my old mess to new life!

"To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life's story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side, I learn who I am and what God's grace means. "-Brennan Manning

How in the "crush" of life's circumstances do we keep our hearts free to hope?

Thought of the day; fasting hopelessness 

How in the "crush" of life's circumstances do we keep our hearts free to hope?

Tranquility is an illusion; heartbreaks can be the door of hope. Hope is far more about the joy of being found in our mess and then being led out to freedom than it is about being lulled to sleep by the rhythms of Gods heartbeat. If we are honest, the threshold between joy and... pain is slight, so it has more to do with where we are being led.

So in the "crush" we pray for hope that opens the door to His presence that holds up our hearts and counsels us along the way. 

This kind of hope rouses us to say "yes" to life in the core of our being, even when we are suffering. We are saying yes to Him as He says - "I am taking you somewhere, and it's all about my love for you."

It's all about the journey through the circumstance. Give yourself to Him in the valley. Trust Him to lead you through. Hold on to hope while he turns your pain into pure joy.

"But then I win her back once again. I will lead her out into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble(the valley of Anchor  into a gateway of hope. She will give herself to me there, as she did long ago when she was young..." 

Hosea 2:14,15

Courage to believe that Jesus is the Hero of my story. He promises to set the captives free !

Thought of the day: fasting hopelessness 

Courage to believe that Jesus is the Hero of my story. He promises to set the captives free ! 

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

because the Lord has anointed me

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners

Isaiah 61:1

I must be willing to surrender my will, my plans to figure out my escape plan from my prison like circumstances. When I surrender to the one and only Hero, Jesus Christ, I get out of His way. This allows Him to work out His perfect plan. The new prospective I have on my prison like circumstances is now a place of resting in His fortress of protection.

"Return to your fortress, O prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you" - God

Zechariah 9:12

His plans are always abundantly more hopeful than I could ever dream to hope for on my own:)

Be real with God concerning the condition of our broken hearts.

Thought of the day: fasting hopelessness 

Being positive is good but only after we are real with God concerning the condition of our broken hearts. If your heart hurts or feels hopeless, tell Jesus and let him work on it. 

We pray for hope when we know we are not in control-when we hope for the best outcome. 

I used to place hope in my performance as a mother-that was misplaced hope.. Now it's placed in... Gods hands who works all things for good. 

Prayer: I pray for hope today that is found in God's word in exchange for my worry. I hold on to that hope-hope that I do not see - while grace (Jesus) does the work of faith in me which will produce righteous fruit. In Jesus name amen

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted

and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

This is what faith looks like that is motivated by love :)

This hope allows me to say today- I accept my life, the past, present and future.

Disillusionment is my focus on truth.

Thought of the day; Fasting Hopelessness 

Disillusionment is my focus on truth. 

Look for the light at the end of the tunnel of disillusionment.

"Disillusionment births true hope in the same way that death is the context for resurrection. If our dreams don't die, the God-dreams won't be birthed. "- Dan Allender 

"May all your expectations be frustrated. May all your plans be thwarted. May all your desires be withered into nothingness. That you may experience the powerlessness and poverty of a child and sing and dance on the love of God the Father, the Son and the Spirit." - Blessing given to Henri Nouwen by his spiritual leader

Be Intentional about Hope

Thought of the day: Fasting Hopelessness

 Be "intentional" about where my hope is placed and resting. Not in who I am and what I can do, but in Him. Who He is, and what His word promises those who hope in Him.

 Hope does not disappoint us b/c God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit who He has given us. Romans 5:4

"Being busy seems like the polar opposite of laziness, but a busy person is not so much active as lost. A lazy person does little to nothing while a busy person does almost everything, but the similarity is that both refuse to be intentional. Busyness is the moral equivalent of laziness."- Dan Allender

Focus On Hope

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Thought for the day, fasting hopelessness. Worry is my focus on the worst of results. Hope anchors me to Him that works all things for good... No matter what I see today. 

Fasting Hopelessness

This year for lent, I gave up Hopelessness!

I want my focus this season to be on the hope and plans that Jesus promises. 

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Join me for 40 days of fasting Hopelessness. It will change your world! In prayer exchange your worries and fears for hope. This will open the door of grace to do the work of faith in your life! Each time you begin to worry remind yourself that you gave that worry to God in exchange for His hope.

I am so excited to see how our hearts will change after focusing our sight on the power of hope!

Making All Things New

4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”5 He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

Revelation 21:4-5

Trustworthy and true. Two words that keep coming to mind as I walk this new season out. 
 It is opening up before me as I hold on to hope. It is hard because it expects me to believe before I see. Yet I know that I can trust Jesus, because He is faithful even when I am not. 

"Our faith may fail, his never wanes— That's who he is, he cannot change"

- 2 Timothy 2:13 ISV

In small glimpses we are beginning to see the evidence of things hoped for , which gives us the assurance of faith. The journey is not what I expected. I thought it would of had a lot more to do with "my doing", no, just the opposite.  It's all about me doing nothing and doing everything at the same time..submitting, praying, dying, watching, and listening to Him. It is the process of Him giving me a new heart. I've learned that if I allow this process on the inside, He gets things done one the outside. It's a very humbling process. One that I am glad to be a part of as I sit on the front row watching as He makes all things new in my life. 

I am amazed by God's grace.  I can honestly say that the storms I have walked through have prepared a blank canvas where God Himself can paint a new masterpiece. One that has His fingerprints all over it! And one  that displays His characteristics  of who I am suppose to be. I am truly grateful for the opportunity to be an example of Him making all things new.. because I really messed it up on my own. He reminds me of this every time I fall back into the mode of "What am I gonna do now or How can I fix this?" 

Currently, I am still in the middle of a mess. There are many details to be worked out and I only get a glimpse of the plan on a need to know basis. . I often find myself struggling with tomorrow and what will come of it. I try to work on the rubiks cube and hours later I find that when I lay it down, God picks it up. Nothing that I plan ever helps. I find that it only leads me to a place of futility. When I realize that I'm doing it again... I let go and pray. It feels very strange to rest in this place but I have seen Him be faithful without "me doing" anything. It's like, He lets me struggle and fall and as I'm laying face down on the floor, He provides. I believe He is showing me that it will be Him and not me that makes all things new in this season. 

He gave me a glimpse of something new last Sunday at church. We have not been to church with my oldest daughter in a long time. (I have not pushed her to do this because I believe that she will go when she feels pulled by love and not pushed guilt.)

Much to my surprise, I received a text from her last Saturday night asking me if she could go to church with us the next day. I was pretty excited, because it had nothing to do with me asking her. Again, it was God moving in her heart and pulling her with love to His heart. I have to say the experience was amazing. The whole service was about Victory and Deliverance. I felt as if God was saying, I have won the victory for Maddie's heart.. she is mine and I will not let her go. It was almost surreal as we walked to the front of the church to take communion. She followed me and Smith followed her. I felt fortified.. like God was saying , "I am leading your family, do not be afraid because I go before you and I stand behind. I will deliver you because I am faithful, trustworthy and true."

I am believing God. I am watching and waiting for all things new. :)

To be continued...

I AM with you

"When I joined the ranks of humanity, born into the humblest conditions, My Glory was hidden from all but a few people. Occasionally, streaks of Glory shone out of Me, especially when I began to do miracles. Toward the end of My life, I was taunted and tempted to display more of My awesome Power than My Father’s plan permitted. I could have called down legions of angels to rescue Me at any point. Imagine the self-control required of a martyr who could free Himself at will! All of this was necessary to provide the relationship with Me that you now enjoy. Let your life become a praise song to Me by proclaiming My glorious Presence in the world."

Sarah Young

As I look back over the past few days I am in complete Awe of what God has done. Our family is in the midst of walking through a miracle this week. I feel like we have just won the lottery.  His love and relentless pursuit to bind my broken heart overwhelms me.

 My journal entry today is my way of building an alter of  remembrance of
 Gods goodness and deliverance. 

As I read my devotional this morning my thoughts went back over the past 7 years. Our battle through grief has been brutal and beautiful all at the same time. It's always brutal in the beginning and then God makes something beautiful of it. 

Our journey with our oldest daughter, Maddie, has been by far the hardest after Jack. When we saw that Maddie's grief was driving her away from our lives and home, we became very concerned. Mostly because we did not know what to do. It was a season of learning the difference between enabling and true love (some call it tough love) What ever you call it .. I call it hard.

I learned that I was an enabler and it was driven by my fear of losing another child. God called me to the task of mothering Maddie in a way that did not feel very motherly. He provided  Godly counsel to  walk beside me for 5 long years. They held my hand and helped me with every tough love decision. I would recommend two things for anyone walking this journey.. counsel and ear plugs. Counsel from the Holy Spirit and those filled with the Holy Spirit walking with sight provided by the loving words of God. The ear plugs are for you.. put them in your ears when the masses start to tell you why your wrong.. that your not loving her in the right way. Somehow, in my heart I knew if I loved her the way most told me to, that I would be either loving her to her grave or to a life long strained relationship that would never heal. My mother's heart wanted only the best for my daughter.. my gift from God deserved healing and a whole heart.. not people who agreed with her brokenness!

I have been hurt deeply by this process primarily because it has been so lonely. I knew that I had to cover Maddie's journey with grace as much as humanly possible.. and I knew that I could not defend myself by explaining  to the masses why I was loving right and they were loving wrong.. only time and God would tell the end of this story. So I patiently waited.. cried, screamed, stomped my feat and pitched many fits in my closet alone with my Heavenly Father. The whole season He kept reminding me of how Christ felt as he walked with our cross on His back to die for our sins. He never defended Himself.. because He knew His Father would. And Boy.. did He! And, we all reaped the benefits.

Well, I'm glad I listen to God on this one.. because if I would have tried to defend myself or force my plan,  His incredible plan would not be apparent today. My waiting brought about a plan that I never could  have imagined in my wildest dreams.

Let me give you a peak at last week.. 

We were pretty much at our wits ends with finding Maddie the care she needed. Her doctors  recommended a recovery plan that frankly we just couldn't afford.. much less find the specific doctors they had recommended. There was only 1 doctor in our network that fit the description of what she needed and I couldn't even get him to answer the phone when I called to make an appointment.
 This past Thursday, I discuss this issue with my mentor and we pray about it. We conclude with.. pray for the direction and wait for God's prevision.  
On Friday, we felt like we found provision in the form of a counseling center near by our home. That afternoon to take a tour. By the end of the tour we think it would be a good fit.. but still out of our budget. That evening we are a little weary because we feel like we had found a place but know that Maddie may not agree. We try not to focus on what Maddie might say and focus on what God may be providing her. If God wanted this to be the place for Maddie we were trusting He would provide the resources.  Late Friday afternoon, we make plans to tell her on Sunday night. Time to put down the worry and head off to a Christmas party at Smith's mom's house. 

On the way over, I get a call. 

It was a producer from the Dr. Phil show.. they wanted to ask me questions about my families journey through grief. They also wanted to know about our struggle with Maddie. My heart started to race from excitement but also from fear.  Would Maddie agree to participate and how would other family members react? I knew that no one wanted to go on live television to make a spectacle of our life's fragile story. 
 However, I did feel like If anyone could help Maddie it would be Dr. Phil. This would certainly be a dream come true. 
At first Maddie said no and so did Smith. It was getting close to our "hard time of the year" (Dec. 23) and going on t.v. to talk about very person pain was not something they were very interested in. I kept in contact with the producer and they reassured me that they would not mishandle our story or represent Maddie and her pain in a shameful way. 
By Saturday night everyone had reluctantly agreed to go on the show. 
Sunday afternoon we landed in LA and began the emotionally draining process of retelling our story of the journey through grief and the toll it has taken on our family. 
Monday, 9 am, we are waiting to walk on stage to meet Dr. Phil. At the same time, He is welcoming the audience and telling them that he is exhausted. He just returned from Sandy Hook where he had been meeting with families affected by the recent shootings. He was obviously heartbroken by what he had just encountered. He explained to the audience that he took a team of 16 doctors, nothing but the best in the nation, to help counsel the grieving families. When I heard him talk about the team of doctors, I remembered that just a few days prior I could only find one doctor back home that may or may not be able to help Maddie. 

I begin to see God's hand at work. 

Next we find ourselves on stage sitting under the counsel of the Nations best doctor for Maddies condition. And so began the process of unraveling her big ball of grief. He tell's her things no other doctor has told her before and then offers her help.. a plan.. what we had been looking for 7 long heartbreaking years. I felt like we had just been given a pearl of great value. 

When he discovered a pearl of great value, he sold everything he owned and bought it!

Matthew 13:46

One week latter and I cant believe what has transpired. A Christmas miracle has occurred and I wanted to share His glory with the you. I have waited a long time with God, wondering if He would provide, wondering if He would defend, wondering if I had made the right decisions, wondering if I had heard His voice correctly... "wait child, die to your plan,  die to your reputation and your will.. because I will deliver you in a way that my glory will shine through you and restore you family. My way is the only way for true whole and holy life to be restored."

My obedience to Him, telling a story of hope without one in sight, is now being seen not only through my eyes of faith but for all to eyes see!

May God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together—spirit, soul, and body—and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ. 

1 Thessalonians 5:23 (The Message)