"Trust The Process"
Trust, Julie. I need for you to trust me. (Jesus)
I have been wrestling with this request for the past year. The trust He is asking me for is not tied to death or significant loss: This time it’s about His goodness and if I will dare to believe that He will be good to me. I’ve trusted Jesus in the past with many circumstances, and His faithfulness eventually revealed itself. Healing deep wounds from my past is the evidence of His loving kindness revealed to me in the cleft rock moments of my life. He loves me, and I know that with all my heart. So, why is it so hard to trust Him to meet me on the mountaintop?
Webster defines trust as a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone.
So trust is a result. It is a firm belief that someone is reliable, trustworthy, able and strong. Trust takes time and is built in the small and messy moments of life. It requires us to risk being vulnerable with someone—to see if they will handle our heart with care. In the past, being vulnerable usually, lead me to heartache. We’ve all experienced someone taking advantage of our weakness. They let us down, selfishly stole from us, left us alone to clean up the mess. We blamed ourselves for being vulnerable, and shame waged war against our true identity and worthiness to be loved. Judgments were made from lies, and walls were built to protect and trust.
I started thinking about choice. I believe it is the most loving gift given to us by God. He gave us the ability to choose, and from the beginning of time, we have broken His heart with our choices. He knew we would choose wrong but still gave us the gift of choice. His love is unconditional and void of the need to control us: He is being vulnerable with us in this choice and wanting us to do the same.
I have come to learn that with God vulnerability is not about the circumstance; it’s about who we trust to be with us in the circumstance.
“Unwavering trust is a rare and precious thing because it often demands a degree of courage that borders on the heroic. When the shadow of Jesus’ cross falls across our lives in the form of failure, rejection, abandonment, betrayal, unemployment, loneliness, depression, the loss of a loved one; when we are deaf to everything but the shriek of our own pain; when the world around us suddenly seems a hostile, menacing place—at those times we may cry out in anguish, ‘How could a loving God permit this to happen?’ At such moments the seeds of distrust are sown. It requires heroic courage to trust in the love of God no matter what happens to us.” (Brennan Manning)
It takes heroic courage to trust after the world has betrayed us in our weakness, but we have a need to trust in the character and reliability of someone who will walk us through the uncertainties of life. God’s goal is to awaken us to our true identity. We are worthy and loved by Him, and when we stand in His love, anything is possible. Our vulnerable places slowly become places to learn and experience joy and love like never before. They are places in which we make the choice to turn to Him and say—I will trust you. Trust is a choice, and it’s a gift we give back to Him.
This past year has been full of circumstances in which I had to figure things out, and the only way to do so was to be vulnerable. I had to admit to co-workers, family, and friends that I did not know how to fix certain problems, but that we would find our way through. Within that very statement was a whole new perspective. Problems are unavoidable, and we don’t have all the answers, but the choice to walk through the problem trusting God, is always mine to choose.
I’m learning my focus should not be on the outcome, but instead on whom I’m trusting in the process. The outcome may be bad, but if I’m trusting God with my heart, He will always handle it with care. Maybe I needed to see the bad because He has something good coming. I am learning that when circumstances don’t go my way, vulnerability is what I need. It is fertile ground to plant new seeds of hope. It is a place to experience joy and love like never before. I admit to Jesus I am weak in this unplanned moment that I so desperately want to control, and He gives me the courage to accept a new perspective.
One last quote from Brennan Manning that brings to life the daughter who knows how to trust Jesus:
“After stumbling and falling, the ragamuffin does not sink into despondency and endless self-recrimination, she quickly repents, offers the broken moment to the Lord, and renews her trust in the Messiah of sinners. She knows that Jesus is comfortable with broken people who remember how to love.”
Below is one of my favorite definitions of love found in 1 Corinthians 13. It is a picture of how God loves us. We can trust such a love as this.
His promise to us is love, and all He requires us to do is show up.
