Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Climbing Everest




"Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So... get on your way."
Dr. Suess

"The summit is just a halfway point." 
-Ed Viesturs

I am in year twelve of the journey of living the loss of my four-year-old son. Day one of this trip looked impossible. Today, as I look back, it blows my mind how I've made it to this point without losing heart. Along the way, I have met many who have. They allowed the ending of their stories to be written by the thief who stole what was not his to steal.

I get it. I've been in their shoes. Life isn't fair, and when you're faced with this sobering reality, you must choose: Will I believe the thief, or will I believe the One who can redeem what the thief has stolen? The choice is as old as time (Adam and Eve were the first to exercise this choice).

In the midst of a tragic circumstance the choice isn't clear, and it isn’t easy.

Facing one of the cruelest realities of life, the death of my child, forced me to look beyond myself. My heart could not accept any form of human reasoning; none of it was big enough to hold the pain. What I needed could only come from above. I needed Jesus and the evidence Heaven offers me about death. His resurrection is the evidence, and our reconciliation is the future promise. This truth gave me hope, and helped me make a very powerful decision: I chose to allow God to write redemption into my story of loss. That choice has made all the difference.

I can see the difference now, but I remember a time when I saw only a mountain of problems. So many problems surface with grief. The first problem is learning to embrace grief and to mourn so you can receive comfort. We want to push grief far away because it requires us to feel the pain of loss. We don't want to hurt any more than we do already, so we rush through the process and miss the grace and comfort needed for healing. Grief also has a way of exposing all the other areas of brokenness in your life. Many blame grief for the problems that occur after loss, but it is my opinion that grief exposes problems that were there before the loss. Grief lays you bare. By welcoming God into your grief, He can multitask. He can heal your whole heart, not just part of it.

So, with this hope we choose His plan and accept the challenge to climb the mountain. He helps us build a team that will guide and support us during the climb. This team is made up of wise counsel and fellow climbers. These two components are essential for a safe and effective climb. But, even with their help, the climb is brutal and bloody; it is dangerous and daunting. In order to ascend, you will meet the monsters of grief and broken places. You will become overwhelmed and tired; you will question why you ever chose to put yourself through this pain; you will want to give up; you will scream and cry, but you must keep going because to turn around is fatal, and you want those who are following you to see that healing is possible. You want to challenge the impossibility of climbing to the summit of grief and making it there alive and being transformed by the journey.

Today, I've made it to the summit. I've scaled grief and brokenness and for the first time feel peace and see fruit. I feel I have been given a second chance to do life.

I let out a sigh of relief, and I enjoy the view from the top. I sit for a moment and allow the sun to shine upon my face. I enjoy the victory. I rest. At first, I think the battle is over. But, now I'm sensing that the battle isn’t finished and that I need to be as intentional on the way down as I was on the way up.

 It’s a round trip. Getting to the summit is optional, getting down is mandatory. (Ed Viesturs)

The Lord is now teaching me it's a round trip. An experienced mountain climber, Ed Viesturs, says when you plan to climb a mountain you must remember, "It's a round trip. Getting to the summit is optional, getting down is mandatory.” If you make it all the way to the summit but die making your way back down, the whole trip is meaningless. So, how hard could it be going down? I've done the most difficult work so what else could there be?

While enjoying my summit perch, I watched the movie, Everest. The movie spoke to my spirit about the next part of my journey. There are many life lessons in the film, but the one that stuck out the most was:

         More people die on the way down the mountain than on the way up.

Wow, can you believe that? It baffled me. I felt the Lord saying, Julie, pay close attention to that statistic. The way down will not be easy. Remember, you've spent 30 years living in a way that built the mountain you just summited. Now it's going to take intentionality in learning how to live differently.  In the descent of your mountain, you will still be learning.
I thought the point of the climb was to summit. I was wrong. There is more.

After the success of a hard climb, we often let our guard down. With the goal completed, some fall into depression or sin from boredom or complacency. You've battled the loss of a loved one, wrestled with the worries of a prodigal, let go of your home, and now you've reached the summit, and life is less chaotic. Now it's time to head back down. So you think it's all downhill from here. With your pride inflated by your recent victories and your physical body weak from the climb, you begin to descend. You think, I've got this now. I don't need anyone's help, and I'm sure they are tired of praying for me. You quit counseling and let go of your community. These are the two major mistakes, and they can be deadly.

The challenge coming down the mountain is, Can I live in peace after I've lived in the chaos of the battle for so long? Remember, the summit is just a halfway point. I think the difference between life and death after you climbed your Everest is sticking with the plan you put into place to climb it.

Today, I feel the Lord giving me my tools for the descent. He is showing me that prayer will be my most valuable tool. I have been learning that daily aligning with Him brings His peace and authority. I have also learned about my role in interceding for family and friends. He wants me to join with Him to help bring Heaven’s plans to earth. Another valuable tool for the descent is watching for pride. Many times it sneaks in through the door of entitlement. I've worked this hard so I deserve (blank), or I've come this far, and this is all I get? I'm quitting and going after what I want. Marriages fail, friendships are severed, and fortunes lost because we let the summit experience be the end. It's not. It's a round trip, and we need to make it down the mountain for the summit to mean anything to us and those following us.

I want my climb to mean something, and I don't want to die on the way down. There is too much at stake. I will be preparing for the descent and will keep you updated on what I learn along the way.