May God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together—spirit, soul, and body—and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ.
1 Thessalonians 5:23 (The Message)
Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,” Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (msg)
My heart always finds it's way back to this song at this time of year. The one lyric in the song that grabs my attention is,"So give me strength to die myself, so love can live to tell the tale". I love the intent of this statement. More than anything,My desire is that love lives to tell my tale. It is so easy to focus on hurt and selfish desires to save face and self protect. I have learned the hard way that when I do that.. the story ends cold, the problem usually isn't solved and no one ever wins.
Thank you Jesus for allowing love to tell your tale. Allowing yours to end so that mine could begin and never end.
"Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved."
Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions.
~Hāfez
I came across an interesting fact the other day. Fear is a temptation. It is offered to us by our enemy in the midst of trying circumstances. I had never really thought of fear in this way. A temptation? I thought temptations were suppose to be shinny, pretty items that were hard to resist. I think of Eve and how she was tempted by the most beautiful red and perfectly ripe apple. I can almost hear the crisp snap of the apples skin breaking open as she bites at the bate laid before her.Just so you know, for me the apple would have been much more tempting if it had been covered in caramel. The shinny apple analogy, we can all understand. It's something we desire. Choosing to be a coward is not. Fear tempts us to stand still instead of charging forward when we hear the trumpet blow.
I will not lie to you, I have been struggling lately. It has been a time of testing, letting go and dyeing to my reputation. I find this a hard testing period. Especially after everything we've been through. I feel as if I am holding on to the knot tied to the end of my rope. Fear keeps me here, maybe I should let go. Holding on could be holding me back. My fear only allows me to focus on my competition at the starting gate. It whispers to me, "Julie, they are all much stronger and faster than you. Don't even try to run this race. You will only lose." Once again, I am tempted to stay put and play it safe because I believe that I am weak. Maybe it's time to put the blinders on at the starting gate. Focus on the course ahead of me and realize the strength inside of me. God built me to be like the stallion, strong and powerful, excited by fear, to charge the gate when the trumpet sounds.
I know it's not just me that is tempted by fear. I hear so many stories of others who struggle as well. It seems that many of us are going through trials of faith. My heart is heavy, but holding on. Something that lifted my head of discernment the other day (just to let you know...my discernment awareness these days is on an all time low!) Yet, God is still near when we don’t sense Him. So... My eye, heart opening word that I wanted to share came to me as I watched the clip above. Did you know that temptation comes in all packages? I did not know that a temptation was for me to fall into pity about my circumstances. To fall, means he (my tempter) wins. Truth is.. I am like the race horse mentioned in the clip above. I am strong, fast and I should not shy away from the sword! To give into the temptation of self pity means I don’t understand... who’s I am and what I was made to do!
God says's..“Do you give the horse his strength or clothe his neck with a flowing mane? Do you make him leap like a locust,
striking terror with his proud snorting? He paws fiercely, rejoicing in his strength, and charges into the fray. He laughs at fear, afraid of nothing; he does not shy away from the sword. The quiver rattles against his side, along with the flashing spear and lance. In frenzied excitement he eats up the ground; he cannot stand still when the trumpet sounds." ~God~ Job 39:19-24
Maybe, I'm the Jockey and the horse is the Holy Spirit. My job is to hold on tight, His job is to bring the strength needed to win the race.
"For I consider that our present sufferings cannot even be
compared to the glory that will be revealed to us." Romans 8:18
Life after the death of a close loved one should come with a guarantee.. To be easy and pain free from this point on.. We have endured enough pain, been dealt an unfair hand and deserve a "pass" that would ensure us no more struggles. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Pain is part of this world and life is in the business of handing it out on a daily basis. Walking through this world with Christ doesn't make the pain go away or stop the daily attacks directly targeted to deaden our hearts. Walking with Him does help us focus on future glory to be able to endure the many heart aches produced by this world.
At this point of my journey, I'm a little lost. A new place, a new struggle. I feel like I have moved far away to a new place that I am not familiar with. It's been hard to find God in this new land. It is really a strange place to be, after being so close to Him, I feel now that He is so far.. Yet, I know this is not true. I realize that this new struggle is an opportunity to grow and mature and move closer to God, which will strengthen He and I’s relationship..I also see larger than life my lack of ability to love others well. Selfishness, pride and my need to control some part of my life are constantly trying to justify my hurting heart to be bitter.. some days they win.. but I always return to the thought of “it’s too late to turn back now”.. It’s not possible to forget that we know who wins in the end. So the question is ..how do I focus on future glory to endure present suffering? My heart is asking this question because it lacks the ability to love unconditionally on it’s own. Honestly, I did not know this was even in me… In the past, I could always find a small bit compassion that would change my heart.. now it seems like my heart has become numb.. it wants to stop hurting.. it wants to self protect.. I am not sure if I’m up for the battle? Yet, I know God know’s that I can do it.. I am afraid but I want to do what is right and just through His heart and not my own. So I find courage from a quote in the movie trailer above.. "The only way to stop them, is to face them." The only way to face them is to adapt and evolve. Which means returning to the spiritual gym for some new conditioning and training by a teacher I never expected...
"Just think how happy you'd be if you lost everything and everyone you have right now.. and then, somehow got them back again." -Kobi Yamada
I came across this quote the other day and thought to myself, "Wow! now that is happy beyond my wildest dreams!" I am not sure who the author of this quote is, but I am sure that this person has experienced loss. Only someone who has truly lost something dear and precious to their heart could have written these words. I am guessing this form of "happy" was experienced by both Mary's when they went to visit the tomb of their lost loved one, Jesus. To everyone else it was just an ordinary Sunday, the beginning of a new work week. But for the two Mary's it was no ordinary Sunday, for them it was the beginning of "knowing" the reality of losing everything dear. As they approached the tomb, lost in quiet thought, I can only imagine that their hearts skipped a couple of beats when they arrived. An angel appeared before their eyes and said" He is not here, He has risen!" Can you imagine! How happy do you think these girls were? I can just see their faces... eyes red and swollen; cheeks chapped and stained by the many tears shed.... jaws dropped with their mouth's wide open due to what their hearts could only dare to believe. Never in their wildest dreams could anything this amazing happen to the two of them. As the reality of this moment sunk in, I believe they felt true happiness... This kind of "happy" offered a settled peace to their souls. One that would afford them the ability to "believe" once and for all... to never worry again about the future.
It is hard to imagine what that kind of "happy" feels like... I think about it often. Today, I dream about that moment... the moment when I get to experience the "happy" that will bring the ultimate peace of knowing that I will never experience loss again!
Courage "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy"- Martin Luther King
I have this picture hanging in my kitchen. I bought it about 6 months before Jack passed away. I remember the day I bought it, it was not for me but for someone whom I loved very much. She had been experiencing many hard circumstances in her life that were forcing her to make some tough decisions about her future. I remember the day that this now framed treasure to me, was purchased to inspire and uplift someone other than me. The words spoken long ago by Dr. Martin Luther King, were somehow the very words that I wanted to say to my loved one...yet I could not muster up the courage to physically do on my own. So, the next best thing was to hang it on my wall right beside my refrigerator (which happens to be a place that I see many times during the day). I am not sure if she ever took notice of my attempt to encourage her, but I am sure of one thing, it has encouraged and blessed me many times. You know, we all have struggles. We all have hard circumstances in life. I am not the only one who has lost a loved one.. and I can honestly say that I have listened to many others who have experienced much more pain that I have personally had to bare. Circumstances are what make up life, good and bad ones. We all face them daily. The question is, how do you allow them to "measure you"? You do have a choice. I believe that we have an enemy that attempts to use all of our circumstances to cause us to fail. We also have a savior that wants to use the same circumstances to cause us victory and Him glory. It's my decision to make, in the midst of life's circumstances, whom I'm going to follow. I have been able, just this week, to put into words the lesson that I have been learning for many years. It was prompted by an interview Smith and I had this past Sunday at Briarlake Babtist Church. We knew going in that we would be discussing Romans 8:28, "And we know all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose." Let me first say, this is not the first time we had been asked to talk about this subject. So, I thought we had this one down pat... really no need to put anymore thought into "why we trust that God works all things together for good". Yes, today the fruit of giving our circumstances to God is bright and beautiful for all to see. What I failed to allow others to see was the daily battle, the fight to trust when there was no reason to do so. It would have been so easy to give up and give in to my misfortune. Now looking back, what good would that have done? What kind of legacy would that leave? What kind of example would that be for my girls? Where exactly would that leave me standing? I know now, it would have led me into a bigger mess! Just where my enemy would have led me. This has not been an easy lesson to learn... and that is why I am sharing it! Learning to trust, walk through, and accept life's struggles is not an easy task. It raises questions and demands answers. When we realize for the first time, that pain is a part of life, life isn't fair and bad things really DO happen to good people... it cause us to question. Question what we believe about life... and that is where some of us stop... we see all the disappointments and sorrow life has given us and we lose hope, give up and give in to failure. I will admit that I have given in many times throughout my life. However, and for what ever reason, I chose this time to fight back! It was a daily battle to fight against the despair of life with out Jack. I had to choose... to get up everyday and fight back, walk through and find a way to the other side. My motivation was that I knew Jack would want the best for me.. He would want his sisters to still have their mom.. and his dad to still have his wife... and for me to find a way to be happy again. I must admit the work is hard, especially when there is no clear plan laid out before you. The plan was only revealed on a day by day basis... and was tailor made for me. No ones plan will ever look the same... but I have found one common ingredient in every plan... if you allow the good... you will find a new "measure of you"... a part of you that you never knew existed before... someone who has found a way to live a life to the fullest. You begin to dream again and hope for a bright new future!
