While We Wait-We Become Lovers Of The Light

"Lover Of The Light"

Mumford and Son's

Today's Focus: The Light

The Light of Christmas

"Christmas can only be found. Christmas cannot be bought. Christmas cannot be created. Christmas cannot be made by hand, lit up, set out, dreamed up. Christmas can only be found."- Ann Voskamp

In the darkest moments of life

there is always 

Light

there is always 

Hope

"The Light never comes how you expect it.  It doesn't matter how dark the dark is; a light can still dawn. It doesn't matter if the world whispers, "There's not a hint that help will come from elsewhere," telling us that nothing will ever improve, get better, change. God favors the darkest places so you can see His light the brightest."- Ann Voskamp

As I thought about today's focus I was reminded of the dark. 

My dark

and how in that dark I saw 

His Light 

Bright

Of course I came across another Mumford and Son's song that so beautifully portrays my journey. 

The video tells the story of a blind man who literally leaves his disability at the door, ditching his cane and wandering out into the wide world. And though he’s sightless, he bravely dashes through a forest, sprints toward the edge of a cliff and lives his life unencumbered, for the first time. The veil is lifted. Sight is given. The blind man can now see. This is a spiritual metaphor for us all. We are blinded by condition of our hearts. When Jesus heals our hearts we begin to see how life can be lived the way He promises. Abundantly and Joyfully, even when the grief comes.

The beginning of the video shows this man waking up.. The expression on his face as He awakes reminded me of the condition of my heart as I would awake from another night slept during my heavy grief.. I was always shocked that my eyes would open up again to experience another hell on earth day. We said it was like the Movie ground hog day.. returning each day .. with out welcome.. 

Each day it returned I would intentionally take a step towards Jesus. 

Not always wanting to..

but willing myself to..

I hated the journey at first.. I was not a lover of the light.. It hurt my swollen tear filled eyes. I remember the only thing I could think of before I would go to sleep at night was.. "Blink, Julie.. If you don't the tears will stay inside your eyes.. and your eyes will be so swollen tomorrow that you wont be able to get a cup of coffee in the morning without putting on your sunglasses." This is one of the deep profound truths I learned as I journeyed through grief.  Another truth was qualifying a day by.. "Can I handle mascara today?" Shallow.. but that's where I was:)

I began to love the journey when I became a "Lover of the Light". 

The video above begins by showing a Stag and a Oak tree standing side by side.. The stag represents Christ and the Oak Tree represents what you become when you follow the Stag. 

Isaiah 61 tells us that He came and still comes to comfort all who mourn.. To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes.. Give them oil of joy instead of mourning.. a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.. This is what He does when we become lovers of the light.. When we follow Him through the wilderness.. He replants us in wide open spaces and calls us Oaks planted by Him to display His goodness.. 

"They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the Lord

for the display of his splendor."

Isaiah 61:3

The video also shows the progression of following.. learning to love the light..Cooped up in our house of grief.. we rise each day and sit down at the table of God.. Here we learn His heart.. He builds a strong foundation.. Then one day He asks us to come out.. Be Brave and Courageous and leave your fear at the door.. Step out and run.. run through the wilderness .. into a place where you will be able to run straight off the cliff of your fear into a place where you can really live. Live with a heart full of His love .. abundantly.. moving from a mindset that thinks,  "I can't do that!" .. to a mindset that thinks, Geronimo! And before you know it your living again.. This is what happens when you become a lover of the light:)

The lyrics to this song.. pretty profound.. worth the read:) 

"Lover Of The Light"

And in the middle of the night
I may watch you go
There'll be no value in the strength
Of walls that I have grown
There'll be no comfort in the shade
Of the shadows thrown
But I'd be yours if you'd be mine

Stretch out my life
And pick the seams out
Take what you like
But close my ears and eyes
Watch me stumble over and over

I had done wrong
You build your tower
But call me home
And I will build a throne
And wash my eyes out never again

But love the one you hold
And I'll be your goal
To have and to hold
A lover of the lights

With skin too tight
And eyes like marbles
You spin me high
So watch me as I glide
Before I tumble homeward, homeward

I know I tried
I was not stable
And flawed by pride
I miss my sanguine eyes
So hold my hands up - breathe in and breathe out

So love the one you hold
And I'll be your goal
To have and to hold
A lover of the lights

And in the middle of the night
I may watch you go
There'll be no value in the strength
Of walls that I have grown
There'll be no comfort in the shade
Of the shadows thrown
You may not trust the promises
Of the change I'll show
But I'd be yours if you'd be mine

So love the one you hold
And I'll be your goal
To have and to hold
A lover of the lights

So love the one you hold
And I will be your goal
To have and to hold
A lover of the lights

While We Wait- We Believe Every Little Thing Is Going to Be Alright

"Three Little Birds"

Stephen Marley

Today's Focus:

Naomi & Ruth

&

How They Needed To Know

Every Little Thing Would Be Ok

"There are Advent moments when you'd like nothing more than to order a Christmas miracle. The one you need when it feels like no one really sees you. No one sees how alone you really feel. How overwhelmed by the work and unappreciated by the people. No one sees that you just want someone to cup your face and look into your eyes and say your name from somewhere deep inside, like a calling home, like a belonging - like a holding that has you around all the fragile places and wont leave you."- Ann Voskamp

Sometimes you just want to know

Every thing is going to be alright.

You just want someone to cup your face and say.. I see you ..

 and I will help you until everything is alright:)

You know what I've learned.. 

Jesus see's you and He hears you 

&

He wants to help you 

Until

Every Little thing is gonna be alright

So, dont worry..

I know.. 

we still 

Worry

I ran into a familiar worry this week. It's one that comes and goes.. I've learned many things from this worry. In the past the worry has been heavier.. this week it was a worry but not as heavy as before. As I began to worry.. I thought to myself... why am I worrying? I've made it through this one before. And you know... Every little thing was alright. Some how God made a way before and I'm sure He's going to make a way this time too.. I faced the fear.. prayed and laid it down.. gave it to Jesus..

 We are to give our worries to Him..

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you."

1Peter 5:7

He cares for you:) He really does. He wants you to experience His care while you grow believing Him in the little things like having a little faith.. He does not require much.. 

the muchness of a mustard seed..

Have you ever put one mustard see in your hand? 

Go do it ..

 its really small and thats all the faith we need to start. 

I know..It's hard when we don't see the way...When we don't see Him and we don't see how.  But, if we can look back and see how He's made a way for us or someone one else ..we can know that He's going to do it again. 

Never in the same way

but He always makes things work together for good.

So, with blind faith

believe for good.

This exercise is what helps us learn to see in the dark..

We grow in these moments

When we believe He can do it..again.

"Naomi- she is bitter. Orpah leaves to start all over. And Ruth goes on believing she will find a new home. Maybe sometimes the miracles begin by growing not in bitterness but in faithfulness.

The radicals, the Ruth's- they are the ones on the road, in the fields, on the wall, pointing to the dawn of the new Kingdom coming, pointing to the light that breaks through all things broken, pointing to redemption always rising and the Advent coming."-Ann Voskamp

"Brilliant people don't deny the dark; 

they are the ones who never stop looking for His light in everything."- Ann Voskamp

I love that quote.. It gives me hope.. All I need to do to be brilliant is keep looking for the light. 

That is what Ruth does .. she keeps looking for the light... and you know where she finds it.. in the little things. and at the end of the little things.. every thing is alright. Ruth finds a field in the midst of their storm that provides a little food.. and a little notice from the land owner who just so happens to be the only one who can buy back what they lost. Looking for the little light she found a redeemer for her and her family. 

It's the little things that add up to big miracles. 

Like the little baby

who 

came to this earth 

fragile & defenseless 

in the dark of night 

with one mission

one miracle

to pay for the one thing we could never pay for on our own

our tab with the enemy

He, that little thing

that little baby

saved us all:)

So, just know today... if there are a lot of little things.. big things worrying you.. look for the light.. and He will some how, some way make every little thing work out. I don't know How.. but somehow He does:) 

Again, Mumford and Son's Nail this Journal Entry..

"The Ghosts that we knew"

"So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light

'Cause oh that gave me such a fright

But I will hold as long as you like

Just promise me we'll be alright."

While We Wait..We learn to believe

"How Can It Be"
Lauren Diagle

Today's Focus: 

Rahab

A Woman Whose Reputation Preceded Her 

&

Was Noted as A Hero of Faith

"Rahab has had a line waiting out her back door. Men lined up at her inn, wanting a place to lie down- and a piece of her. In a town with no Sabbaths, no lines of God's Word ever read, no prophets with a message of a coming visitation from heaven, she's one woman alone with the grime of too many nights on her hands, the weight of too many wounds on her heart- a woman who looks up in her godless mess and sees the tenderness of God. In a place of faithlessness and doubtfulness and godlessness, God gives God." Ann Voskamp

Rahab was a woman with a reputation.

The world gave her a red scarlet letter to wear over her heart
&
Shamed Her

but Jesus gave her His scarlet thread of grace and wrapped it around her heart
&
Rescued Her:)

I can relate to Rahab.. She was only doing what she knew to do to get by. She thought this was life.. and how you lived it. She was not living.. She was merely surviving.. and doing what it took to do so..

That's what life does if we live it without Jesus

it takes

God saw Rahab. He saw her heart. Her heart was good... because He gave Her that very heart. The one that so desperately wanted to give itself.. selflessly.. just like the giver. He programmed her heart to be like that.. like His.. to give.. and the world took and took and took..

To the world her heart looked dead

But 

God saw a ripe heart 

ready to be filled. 

&
He waits
&
She turns

"God, who can reveal Himself wherever, whenever, to whomever; the God who is never limited by lack or restricted to the expected; the God who is no respecter of persons but the relentless rescuer of prodigals; the God who gives the gift of faith in the places you'd most doubt. That is always the secret to the abundant life; to believe that God is where you doubt He can be." -Ann Voskamp

I met God in a place of desperateness.. in a place I needed Him.. in a place I hadn't prepared to meet Him.. I hadn't been preparing to meet Him.. The point I'm trying to make is its not what we've done that makes us ready or acceptable to Him..

It's what we do

we turn

we believe

These are the "do's" He's looking for

When He looked at Rahab.. He saw the beautiful heart He created.. He saw her as the perfect creation He made her to be.. the one who couldn't see  her true self was her.. He wanted to open her eyes to see what He saw..so her heart that wanted to give like His would be transformed to do so..

To give Holy Love

&

Holy Grace

Just like we wait on Him .. He also waits so patiently for us. We live without Him.. because we don't know what living with Him is like.. The world lures us into believing we should be independent.. do it all on our own. Yet if that is how we live.. we usually only do what we know.. what others have done before us. We follow others who are not following a loving Jesus.. We follow others who have been disappointed by Jesus.. who think Jesus is not for them.. or for their good.. and we find ourselves disappointed too.. surviving .. not living.. 

However.. that doesn't bother Jesus

all He's looking for is a heart

willing to turn

willing to believe

willing to trust

and for most of us

we find this kind of heart

when the world has nothing left to offer our broken hearts

He's always waiting

He's always offering

Himself
His Grace

"Rahab, in a godless place with a godless past, believes fully- and so lives fully. She steps out not in competence.. but faith. She serves not her admires but her adversaries. She saves the greatest gift for  her family- a place of grace.. she risks to live."- Ann Voskamp

Isn't that what we all want? 

to live

Fully and abundantly

so 

We risk

and when we do

we live

we find life

and we save a place of grace for our family.

We all need grace.. and I cant think of anything better to give your family... grace... Jesus.. If we follow Jesus.. they will follow Jesus. They will do what they know to do.. follow grace and be made righteous by believing.. not by striving and doing.. That's what I want more than anything for my girls.. to know that they don't have to make themselves.. God has already done that.. They only need to rest in His grace.. Love will shape their lives.. and move them along the path He has created for them. His story for them is filled with Glory..

Just like Rahb.. the one who believed.. the one who Jesus chose to be in His family tree:)

How Can it be.. 

"You plead my cause

You right my wrongs

You break my chains

You overcome

You gave Your life

To give me mine

You say that I am free

How can it be

How can it be"

While we wait.. Love Changes Our Perspective

"How The Wolves Changed the Rivers of Yellowstone National Park"

Today's Focus:
The Ten Commandments
or 
The Ten Love Rules

Now that's a change in perspective..

 "Thou Shall Not!"

to 

"They Shall Never Again Hurt My Children!"

The ten commandments.. they ruffle our feathers don't they?

Why?

We don't really like rules

At the core of our humanness

We don't like to be told what we cant do

Why is that?

I chose the video clip above to illustrate how a change in perspective can change a whole ecosystem. 

I remember when the wolves were reintroduced to Yellowstone. We were there visiting that summer. I remember thinking how awful .. The wolves will come in and kill everything. 

Sight that is filtered through fear

Steals, Kills & Destroys

All I could see at the time.. was what the wolves would take

not what they might give..

When I came across this video, I remember thinking.. Wow!! It changed my whole perspective.

They came and did kill.. but they also brought life. 

They balanced 

They brought things back to the middle

I have a tendency to be unbalanced.. especially when I read Gods truth through the filter of fear. 

I am learning today to read His word through the filter of His love. 

Sight filtered through His Love

Gives, Protects and Restores

It's true.. My perspective began changing 10 years ago after I needed to see through the filter of His love in a desperate way. I knew Jack went to Heaven.. and I wanted to never again question where I would go when it was my time to go.. 

My journey began

&

My perspective changed from 

Fear

to a all consuming Holy Fire of His 

Love

His word is given to us to protect us from fear. It's a love letter that we get to open every day that teaches us the secret ways of walking through this life. It shows us the upside down ways of life.. they ways that contradict our rational thinking.. We learn to live through our hearts and not just our heads. Transformation and Restoration begins changing our hearts and from there moves and changes our thinking.. and then changes the way we act and react to this world. It's pretty amazing.. 10 years ago I never thought I would be someone so taken by the heart of God.. but I am and that has made all the difference in my life today. I kept my distance from Him because I thought I could never measure up.. keep the rules.. Now I know I will never measure up or keep the rules and that's why He gave us Jesus:) Through His love.. His heart.. He's gives to us life.. He gives us protection from the life takers  and He and restores us to give life to others.. It's true:) 

Ann Voskamp wrote out the Ten Commandments in today's devotional.. These will change your perspective.. At least, I hope they begin to change them.. I believe this is the heart of God:)

"The Ten Commandments are more than God saying, :Here are My rules of law for you"; they are God saying, "Here is my real love for you." So God wrote His love right into the rock, saying to His people, just like a man might tell his bride at their wedding, "Here, I take you to be Mine, and you will be the one I will love more than anything- so have nothing in your life you love more than Me."  " Here, I give you My name- My very name to make you Mine- so please do not say My name without love. 

 "Here, I want nothing more than to spend time with you, holy time just for you and me- so set apart one day every week for you and Me to enjoy each other.

 "Here, I love you, special one- so don't want what others have, because I will give you what you need. 

 So, don't lie, because My forever love for you means you never have to be afraid of telling the truth to me.

 Don't steal form others, because I promise I will always give you what you need. 

So don't murder anyone in anger, because My love for you will always soothe away any anger. "

Now that's a change in perspective

it brings 

Balance

It brings us back to the 

middle

Love always does that

it brings a balance

an understanding to both sides:) 

It helps us do what is most important

Loving Jesus

so we can 

Love others like we love our self.

See here is an example of the upside down strategies of God

Only when we know God's love for us

can we love ourselves

and that's when

We love others with the purest love 

His love:)

"Love Came Down"

Brian Johnson

While we wait.. We dance. Day 9 Advent

"We Dance"

Steffany Frizzell

Today's Focus: 

Joseph and the death of his dream

What others meant for bad.. God means to make it good

I love the lyrics to the song above..

"You steady me

Slow and sweet, we sway

Take the lead and I will follow

Finally ready now

To close my eyes and just believe

That You won't lead me

Where You don't go"

When life tries to unsteady us.. He's always there to steady us. 

I know it's hard at first to not to push back from Him when the storms of life come. We wonder why He allowed the storms... I don't have an answer for that... but one thing I do know is that when I finally gave up the fight and fell into His arms and let Him lead.. He led me to places I could have never gone alone. 

"When my faith gets tired

And my hope seems lost

You spin me round and round

And remind me of that song

The one You wrote for me

And we dance"

He writes a song just for you.. One that only you and Him can dance to.. It is a love song that He sings .. and He dying to dance with you .. sing to you.. steady you... spin you round and round.. until you somehow forget about all the unsteadiness around you and you rest in His arms while He leads you through.. 

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to dance in the rain."

Vivian Greene

Such a true quote. Life's weather is not always sunny.. storms come ... and we need to understand that "waiting" for the storm to pass doesn't heal our hearts from the damage it will cause. 

Time doesn't heal all wounds

it just passes

Time is a gift 

It's how and who you spend it with that makes the difference. 

I was speaking to a friend last night who is walking through her first year of grief. She seemed overwhelmed by all the healing before her. I told her don't worry about anything else right now.. just grieve.. grieve your loss in this time you've been given. Lean into it hard.. This is the only time you will be given the grace to do so.. If you wait those around you will lose the heart to help you.. time moves on and so do they..no one will ever understand your pain like you do.. they can't .. they haven't been given the grace to understand.. that kind of grace only comes from above.. and you only want it.. when you need it live. 

But 

the One who gives it knows your pain

and He's waiting with arms wide open 

ready to steady you 

and make what is intended for your bad

Into Good

&

I mean fairytale Good!

"And I've been told

To pick up my sword

And fight for love

Little did I know

That Love had won for me

Here in Your arms

You still my heart again

And I breathe You in

Like I've never breathed 'till now"

I'm not sure how He does it.. but if you accept the invitation to dance.. You will one day breathe again. Holding your breath won't be an option anymore.. because when you dance with the Him you breathe in the truth and love of His song written just for you. 

Time heals when you spend it with Him. 

During the dance He spins your bad round and round until it turns into the most glorious love story ever told. He can do this.. I'm a witness of His extraordinary goodness:)

This Sunday at church, Pastor Tom gave us permission to brag on our children. He stood before our church and spoke words of life to his son.. He told how proud he was to be his father.. It was a demonstration of living with a heart wide open .. Pointing us all to the heart of our Heavenly Father:) 

Our children need to hear words of affirmation and praise from us.. These words are the second most powerful words spoken to their hearts.. aside from our Father above.. So, I'm gonna brag a little bit.. I'm so proud of both of my sweet girls.. Maddison and Macie.. they have danced well through the storms..They have allowed God in .. and He is leading them into such hopeful futures.. I am amazed at how far both of them have come. I am so overwhelmed by the goodness God has shown them.. He is slowly rewriting a story line  meant for their bad into something so unbelievably good.. 

This picture captures so beautifully what God does..

 Turns what was meant for bad into His good.. 

So because I accepted the invite to dance when I didn't feel like it..

"When my faith gets tired

And my hope seems lost

You spin me round and round

And remind me of that song

The one You wrote for me

And we dance

And I will lock eyes

With the One who's ransomed me

The One who gave me joy for mourning

And I will lock eyes

With the One who's chosen me

The One who set my feet to dancing?"

He has given me great joy:)

Accept the Invite to dance

Here are a few of the lyrics to the song He sings to you..

The Sovereign Lord has filled me with his Spirit.

He has chosen me and sent me

To bring good news to you,

To heal your broken-heart. 

To announce release to captives

And freedom to those in prison.

 He has sent me to proclaim

That the time has come

When the Lord will save you

And defeat your enemies.

He has sent me to comfort all who mourn,

To give to those who mourn in Zion

Joy and gladness instead of grief,

A song of praise instead of sorrow.

You will be like trees

That the Lord himself has planted.

You will all do what is right,

And God will be praised for what he has done.

You will rebuild cities that have long been in ruins.

-Jesus

Isaiah 61

The Lord will provide- Day 7 Advent

The Lord will Provide




"Forever"
Kari Jobe

Today's Focus-

 Abraham, Isaac & The Mountain of Sacrifice...

God Called

Abraham answered

"Here I Am"

&

God Provided:) 

My focus today..

The Lord will provide:)

After reading the devotional this morning.. I said to myself, "Maybe I shouldn't journal today.."
I'm not sure I want to tackle such a real moment for myself..

Actually.. I wasn't called to do what Abraham was called to do.. to sacrifice my son. If I had been called to do that I'm sure I would have said back to the call .. "Here I Am Not!". Abraham had incredible faith.. He truly believed that if God had provided before that He would provide again.. and

 Wow!!! 

He did provide.. at just the right time.. He provided a Lamb.. an innocent Lamb.. and isn't that what He provides to us all.. The Lamb.. Himself.. Because what the song above says over and over is..

We sing Hallelujah 

THE LAMB 

HAS

OVERCOME!!!

Abraham took his son Issac up the mountain to build an alter.. an alter he had been building over and over in his mind as he climbed the mountain with his own son behind him carrying the wood for the alter. He never told his son what they were doing, but I'm sure Isaac felt the thoughts of his father..

I'm sure Abraham questioned God all the way up the mountain.. His heart must have been torn into pieces... and I'm sure God was right there with Him.. hearing and seeing every bit..

Alters are built in remembrance of when we see or experienced God.. Was this the whole point of this call to build an alter.. Not to look at death but to be looking to experience and see God Himself ...was it a clue to what Abraham was about to experience? Should this teach us not to set our sight on what we expect.. But to set our sight on expectancy of seeing Him?

"God always sees- and He will always see to it. That is all that ever matters: God always sees, and He will always see to the matter. Your legs may be weary and your heart may be heavy and your questions may be many, but whatever you are facing, it is always named Mount Moriah: the Lord will appear. The Lord sees. And He will see to it. And He will be seen. The act of God's seeing means God acts. God's observing means He always serves. This is the thing; your God's constant vision is your constant provision. You don't need to climb mountains named I will perform.You don't need to climb mountains named I will produce. Every mountain that every Christian ever faces, 

The Lord levels with sufficient grace: 

The Lord will Provide. " -Ann VosKamp

My mountain.. not at all like Abraham's mountain.. was also a place where God provided. He provided grace.. sufficiently. and He did provide a Lamb.. one that overcomes the mountain I faced and still face today... because He always gives grace.. He always gives Himself.. He gives Himself away to us each and everyday. The Lamb overcame death .. It took deaths place for Issac and in our larger perspective for how we live out life here on this earth... The Lamb takes the place of death for us and our loved ones that go on before us.. It's the only way to keep hope.. to keep our hearts pumping and living this life out well. Death is not and end to life.. Death has been overcome.. Death is a birth into another world.. one where the word death doesn't even exist... It has no place in Heaven.. because Heaven is a place where we will never leave... nor want to leave.. It's only in this world.. this side of Heaven that we need a way of escape.. Death.. it's a door.. and The Lamb who over came it has the key:) The lamb unlocks the door we see as death and opens us up to the most unimaginable place of grace ..

The Lamb gave Himself and gives Himself and will give Himself 

until we all are safely home on the other side..

I'm not feeling to well this morning, fever and cough.. I really wanted to stay home in bed.. but I felt like the one place I really needed to go was to visit His house.. be in His presence.. and then come back home and rest.. So, I heard the call.. "Come" and I answered "OK, here i am".. I jumped in my car already late.. turned up the radio .. and guess what I heard playing.. Mumford and Son's, "I will wait". I kind of giggled.. I said, "Lord, you must be trying to get my attention with this song.. it's playing everywhere I go.." I said quietly to myself.. "Lord, I will wait." and I reminded myself of today focus.. "The Lord will provide".. I believe the Lord spoke back to me.."Julie, you have set your heart on waiting for me this season.. and I'm so glad you've done so.. but what I would like you to know is I also always.. wait lovingly on you..This is not a one way relationship. I never ask you to do what I've not done Myself.. " I pondered that for a while and thought.. You know He's been waiting on me/us for a long time .. He's waiting on me/us to turn to Him.. to turn to His heart.. to accept the grace He has to offer us so we can climb those hard mountains ... He never forces Himself.. but He always offers Himself.. so if you needed to hear that today.. take it for yourself.. we wait.. and so does He:) When we wait on Him.. We Overcome ..Forever!

Waiting will bring back your laughter-Day 6 of Advent

"I will wait"

2Cellos

I love this version of "I will wait". The landscape and the music go beautifully together. I'm not sure where on this earth they filmed this video, but I'm sure it reflects a little bit of what Heaven looks like:) This place looks like a place you might want to retreat to when your waiting. 

So as we wait this Advent season..what are you waiting for? 

What are you hoping for? 

What has your heart longed for year after year? 

& 

You find yourself still waiting..

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life."-

Proverbs 13:12

Waiting without real hope can make our hearts sick. It can cause us to let go of hope and never want to pick it up again. That's no way to live, but if we admit it.. parts of our hearts are dead because they were sick way too long waiting for hope to be UN-deferred. 

Today's devotional focus for Advent was about Sarah.

She was promised a son. 

After hope was deferred way to long she tried to do things in her own strength.. and it didn't turn out very well. 

At the ripe "Ol" age of 99..  Sarah must of felt the slow beat of a dying heart. She wanted a son. Her own son .. the one God had promised her.. the one she thought He forgot about.. The one she thought she would never get because of her big mess up with Hagar and Ishmael. 

Abraham was given a promise by God that Sarah laughed at..

Ann VosKamp's Children's book on Advent so wonderfully captures the moment..

"Abraham", God said, "everything is always more than it seems, more than you can see. I am doing unexpected things! I am sending you a child! And through that child, your family will grow big and the whole earth will be blessed." 

Abraham laughed happy. And when the news of a miracle child reached the ears of his wife, Sarah, she laughed too- but Sarah laughed sad. Sarah laughed the way you do when you think someone is teasing you, AND YOU LAUGH BRAVE SO YOU DON'T CRY HARD. Sometimes you use laughter like a shield to protect your heart. Could Sarah let down her guard and believe that God would be gentle with her dream to hold a child of her own? Sometimes when your heart hurts, your head hurts to believe."

Isn't that so true.. How many times have we felt that way? We laugh.. only because it protects us from doing what we really want to do.. cry.. but that would show our real heart.. and no one needs to see the real condition of our hearts.. its too much for us to look at let alone anyone else. 

So, we laugh and move on..

with a bitter 

sick

heart. 

And.. here is the HOPEFUL part.. this heart.. the one that laughs to protect itself.. will someday laugh with joy-filled tears streaming down her face because Jesus has proven Himself faithful to her hopeless dying heart. He did it with Sarah .. so why wouldn't He do it with us? 

Her battle was with His timing.. not His faithfulness. 

And really that is a hopeful word.. because if your still waiting .. He is still ready and willing to be 

faithful. The waiting on Him digs a deep well in our hearts and when He fills it with His hope.. His promised fulfilled.. We laugh and laugh until the whole world around us is touched in someway by the hope that now spills from our deep well of waiting.

The video above portrays this process so well.. In the tucked away times of life if we will surround ourselves with His living water.. His word.. His heart.. His people.. We will find ourselves immersed in His beauty and it will spill on us.. in us .. until we can pick up our own instruments and play along with His song.. The one that takes the different road when it emerges into the yellow wood. This song we learn in the tucked away times will lead us to real laughter.. 

The kind that comes from strength after admitting our weakness.. 

We admit our weakness to Jesus because that is when He is strongest. What we really fear is that He has left us.. given up on us.. and that is just not true. He waiting for the perfect time to give you what your heart deeply desires. 

"All fear comes from thinking that somewhere God's love will end. But God's unbeatable, unstoppable, unwrappable love for you will never, no matter what, end. So we can loosen up, because all our heavy, sad chains have been loosed, and we can laugh free. Because of Jesus, the other miracle Child who came to us, laughter comes to us too. And we get to hold the wonder of it close to us. Sadness is not the end of the story. Jesus is the end of our story.. and the beginning of our story and the BEST part of our story." Ann Voskamp

My desire was wholeness after the hollowing out..

After the waiting.. I'm beginning to laugh again.. He is bringing wholeness to me but what is far greater is the wholeness He is bringing to my home and my family. My greatest blessing this Christmas season is seeing both of my girls doing what fills them with joy. They are both in such a good place of life! YES!!!! I'm one who can laugh!! Laugh at what the enemy tried to steal.. our hearts.. The hollow hearts filled full now with His promised fulfilled. They are healing now in good ways..They are now a waterfall of life.. giving life to us all. I still have sad places in my heart.. I still miss Jack so much.. but I do get to see glimpses of his heart in the hearts of my girls.. I know some day Jack will say to us.."I'm so glad you waited .. I'm so glad you didn't give up .. I'm so glad you turned to Jesus and let Him heal your hearts...and I'm so glad you learned to live again with Joy and laughter. You have made me so proud!"

So with that being said..

in the midst of all the mess

we wait

we wait for Jesus

He's coming

He promised us that

wait for the 

laugh

because when it comes

It's oh so so good:)

"She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future."

Proverbs 31:25