"Where there is no vision, the people perish."
- King Solomon
One month ago, vision came to me through an assigned project. I was asked to construct a Hope journal by collecting random pictures from magazines that reminded me of hope. I had about 30 days to complete the assignment before I was expected to share my findings. On the 29th day I reluctantly began the project. If the truth be known, the only reason I pushed myself to do the project was because I did not want to let my mentor down. My weakness, pleasing and preforming, led me straight into the arms of Jesus.
-2 Corinthians 12:9-11
I gathered together a pile of magazines and began looking for hope. After about ten minutes, I realized that Southern living and Real simple magazine's were not the best place to find hopeful pictures. They wet my appetite for dinner and home decor, but didn't satisfy my hunger for hope. So, I moved on to the internet where I found a series of national geographical'ish pictures that seemed to do the job. I download about 35 pictures to a memory disc and rushed up to Walmart to have them developed. While I was there I grabbed a composition note book and glue stick to complete my project. I rushed back home and began pasting pictures in my "hope"notebook.
I was told not to think too much about what pictures I chose or in what order they should go in the journal. I was at ease with this, but I could not decided which picture should go first. My heart kept leaning to a picture, that in my opinion, did not best represent HOPE. After struggling with my decision, I decided to follow the instructions by obediently submitting to trust the process. This was the picture my heart wanted me to put first..
After securing it in, I sat and stared at if for a while. At first I saw a women desperately holding on to life. I saw tragedy and fear. Then my heart began to see a glimmer of hope. Look at all the firefighters and ambulances at the sight of this accident. Look at them protecting her, rescuing her, her only HOPE. I then wrote several scriptures and quotes around the picture that spoke about How God will fight for us when we are in trouble.
The first three scriptures were..
"Surely the Lord was fighting for Israel" - Joshua 10:14
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" Exodus 14:14
"The Lord your God, who is going before you will fight for you as he did for you in Egypt before your very eyes"
Deuteronomy 1:30.
I spent most of the time I had to complete this project on this 1st picture.. so for the other 34 pictures I just wrote down a few quotes, no scripture. It was time to rush to my meeting with my mentor.. when I arrived she met me at the door with a very puzzled look. She said, "Julie our meeting isn't until tomorrow, and I cant fit you in today." I laughed and said I will see you tomorrow, no big deal. Later that evening I decided to take Bella on a walk. I was a bit anxious about some circumstances in my life so I thought a good brisk walk and conversation with God would help. As I was headed up the last hill, almost home, I saw a car coming my way. It happened to be my car and my youngest daughter was driving it. I remember thinking to myself, I hope she is going to ask me if she can take the car and go to the store. Somehow I knew this would not be the case.. I knew in my heart that she was about to deliver bad news. Your spirit always knows before your mind does.. She looked at me and said ..."It's Maddie, she's been in an accident".
I had been waiting for this moment for the past two and half years. Not that I wanted this moment, I just knew it would be something tragic that would lead us back to relationship. We had no contact what so ever during this time period. It was very hard for me to accept but I knew she needed space and time to sort thorough her pain. I have come to learn that to honor her distance was the most loving thing I could do as a parent.
With in moments I find myself being rushed to the hospital so we can see her before she goes into surgery. My mind is racing with thoughts. Why are they waiting on us? Will she live? Will she even want to see me?
When we arrive, I am scared to death.. she looks horrible. I grab her hand... this feels awkward... We tell her that we are here and we love her. The doctors meet with us and tell us she is very lucky, no broken bones, just a lot of cuts. After 4 hours of surgery everyone goes home to get some sleep and I find myself alone in a hospital room holding her hand as she sleeps. I am reeling from the drama that is unfolding.. I am fighting the temptation to react.. to agree with the lie that I always find myself suffering... I want to act differently this time..
Frederick Buechner says we are in constant danger of being reactors in the drama of our lives rather than actors..
"In our lives in the world, the temptation is always to go where the world takes us, to drift with whatever current happens to be running strongest. When good things happen, we rise to heaven; when bad things happen, we descend to hell. When the world strikes out at us, we strike back, and in one way or another the world blesses us, our spirits soar."- Frederick Buechner
I pray silently through the night and and find peace. The next morning my husband brings me a change of clothes and my book bag that was packed with my bible and my hope journal. I did not ask him to bring me my journal .. but I believe God wanted me to have it... I reached down grabbed it and opened it to the first page. My heavy heart was encouraged as I stared in amazement at what I had constructed the day before. Coincidence or Providence? A hurried project just transformed before my very eyes into a love letter of hope from my Savior, Jesus!
He whispered to me...
"Surely the Lord was fighting for Israel" - Joshua 10:14
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" Exodus 14:14
"The Lord your God, who is going before you will fight for you as he did for you in Egypt before your very eyes"
Deuteronomy 1:30.
He had been preparing me for this reunion.. and was helping me act from love instead of react from fear! I am walking by faith through this and handing it all over to God. I know He is nudging me with hope towards His hope-filled ending.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28
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