Hope's Unexpected Gift

"He who has not looked on sorrow will never see joy"
Kahlil Gibran

I wanted to share the story of a special gift I received this Christmas. It was very unexpected and a complete surprise even in the way it was delivered. Let me begin by giving you a little bit of history so you can appreciate the gift.

This Christmas will be the 7th year we have spent with out our dearly missed son, "Jack". For the most part Christmas is hard for our family. It's hard when what should be a joyous occasion is covered with the scare of such a terrible accident that resulted in the loss of a loved one. It seemed impossible with each passing year, for the season of Christmas to ever regain the feelings it once held  . We try hard as a family to honor God and the dear birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus. We also try hard to honor one another and respect what each family member wants to make of the season. Lots of grace and space have allowed us to make it this far.. for the most part I am very grateful for where we have landed. But I have to say that my heart still becomes very weary by the yolk we try to carry..

 the mostly fake smile on our face and the great lonely sorrow in our heart.

As the Christmas season approached this year, I found myself in a different place. I had promised God back in August that I would begin to tell a story of hope even if I could not see one yet. I also took to heart the words spoken to me by my sweet daughter, "I really love Christmas.. I love the way our house looks at Christmas..." I allowed those words to seep into my heart and they gave me the courage to make a choice.. to enjoy the season, because it means a lot to her.

I really believed this would be a lot of me pretending and trying like the past.. but something was different.. the yolk seemed lighter. I seemed to be enjoying the season with less effort more laughter and creativity. I was unaware of what was going on until last Thursday night.

 We attended a prayer service last week with my oldest daughter who is recovering from a horrible car accident. I asked her if she would like to go and receive prayer for the obvious wounds on her face and the not so obvious ones on her heart. She hesitantly agreed, but threw caution to the wind because she is weary from her heavy burdens.

I was not thinking at this point that God would have anything for me... I was there for her. I would do anything for her, even deny my own burdens if hers had the hope to be lifted.

That's a Mother's heart...

There's a saying that your only as happy as your saddest child. I believed that for a long time. I lived that for a long time. But as my days become more infused with the Fathers presence I have come to a new understanding. I can not live there! If I do there is no hope for the saddest child. As mothers, our job is to forge through the uncharted territory of our hearts. Dive deep down to rip out the root of the problem.. more than just behavior modification.. allow Jesus to do real heart work in our lives. We lead by example, cheap talk is not welcome here. It's time to take action.. and it doesn't begin with the child.. it begins with you.

I heard a quote one time that said.. "If you as a mother are having trouble with your children, it may be caused by old wounds in your own heart that you have not allowed to heal."  Let me ask you a question... if you knew that healing your own heart would help your children heal theirs, would you even hesitate to do it. I mean this is a no brain-er! I have been allowing Jesus to work in my own heart for the past 7 years. I wanted my own heart healed because I knew this would be an essential ingredient for my daughters hearts to heal. I had to be an example of how Jesus binds up the brokenhearted...at first it was a messy.. but I knew if I stopped mid way they would have proof that He did really work.. or make our hearts whole again.

Today, I am living proof that God binds up our broken hearts! And this is my gift of hope this Christmas season.

As we prayed over my daughter last week, one of the prayer team ask our family a question. "Do you realize that Jack is God's son.. and that no matter how much you miss him .. you would never ask him to come back to this earth. He is at home with his Father.. and some day you will go to where he is."

Without hesitation I said, YES! I was so filled with peace at that moment of realizing how much healing Christ has done in my own heart. I said yes in the midst of messy circumstances with my oldest child.. knowing I would never want my dear son Jack to come back to this less than perfect world.

We left that night as a family filled with peace and the assurance of knowing God really works and can make hearts whole again. Time does not heal all wounds with out the constant pursuit of Jesus...! My history proves it.

Over the past few days I have been praying and thanking Christ for my healing.. you just don't know what a blessing it is to Smile this season and know its not me faking it. As I prayed He reminded me of how He has been preparing me for this season. I have been actually waiting for the end of year 7. I have felt like this would be a completing season and that something wonderful would happen.. and it has.. much to my surprise  God said to me.. Julie, your gift is joy and peace. I have given your great sorrow friends to journey with.. joy and peace. This is the Fathers heart for us.. and I am overwhelmed with His love and care for my heart.

Joy and Peace are gifts that can not be bought with anything other than the blood Jesus shed at the cross ..to give us our hearts back whole.. healed..

Isaiah 61

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

because the Lord has anointed me

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners,^a]

² to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor

and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,

the oil of joy

instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the Lord

for the display of his splendor.

⁴ They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.
⁵ Strangers will shepherd your flocks;
foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
⁶ And you will be called priests of the Lord,
you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
and in their riches you will boast.

⁷ Instead of your shame
you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.

⁸ “For I, the Lord, love justice;
I hate robbery and wrongdoing.
In my faithfulness I will reward my people
and make an everlasting covenant with them.
⁹ Their descendants will be known among the nations
and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge
that they are a people the Lord has blessed.”

¹⁰ I delight greatly in the Lord;
my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
¹¹ For as the soil makes the sprout come up
and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness
and praise spring up before all nations.