Going Deeper - A teacher I never expected

"For I consider that our present sufferings cannot even be

compared to the glory that will be revealed to us." Romans 8:18
Life after the death of a close loved one should come with a guarantee.. To be easy and pain free from this point on.. We have endured enough pain, been dealt an unfair hand and deserve a "pass" that would ensure us no more struggles. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Pain is part of this world and life is in the business of handing it out on a daily basis. Walking through this world with Christ doesn't make the pain go away or stop the daily attacks directly targeted to deaden our hearts. Walking with Him does help us focus on future glory to be able to endure the many heart aches produced by this world.

At this point of my journey, I'm a little lost. A new place, a new struggle. I feel like I have moved far away to a new place that I am not familiar with. It's been hard to find God in this new land. It is really a strange place to be, after being so close to Him, I feel now that He is so far.. Yet, I know this is not true. I realize that this new struggle is an opportunity to grow and mature and move closer to God, which will strengthen He and I’s relationship..I also see larger than life my lack of ability to love others well. Selfishness, pride and my need to control some part of my life are constantly trying to justify my hurting heart to be bitter.. some days they win.. but I always return to the thought of “it’s too late to turn back now”.. It’s not possible to forget that we know who wins in the end. So the question is ..how do I focus on future glory to endure present suffering? My heart is asking this question because it lacks the ability to love unconditionally on it’s own. Honestly, I did not know this was even in me… In the past, I could always find a small bit compassion that would change my heart.. now it seems like my heart has become numb.. it wants to stop hurting.. it wants to self protect.. I am not sure if I’m up for the battle? Yet, I know God know’s that I can do it.. I am afraid but I want to do what is right and just through His heart and not my own. So I find courage from a quote in the movie trailer above.. "The only way to stop them, is to face them." The only way to face them is to adapt and evolve. Which means returning to the spiritual gym for some new conditioning and training by a teacher I never expected...