"I Do"- What 23 years of marriage has taught me..

" Dancing in the Mine Fields"

This morning  I awoke to a still small voice.. It was whispering, "Time doesn't heal all wounds.. Healing takes place in the overcoming." The voice continued with.." I will keep putting you in places where you experience the pains of past wounds over and over again until you realize that you are there for one reason.. It is so I can use your feet, Julie to overcome your enemy on his own territory. This is where you will always find healing.. in the taking back of stolen territory.. In the overcoming." 

This nugget of wisdom comes to me two days after my 23rd wedding anniversary. It reminded me of the song above.. "Dancing in the Mind Fields". The song tells "our story". We were way too young to be getting married.. but 23 years later I'm grateful for the vows we made to one another on that wedding day. I had no idea what I was committing to.. and boy am I glad for that.. As the song says above.. 

"Well, "I do" are the  two most famous last words, the beginning of the end. But to lose your life for another I've heard is a good place to begin. The only way to find your life is to lay your own life down. and I believe it's an easy price for the life that we have found. And we're dancing in the mind fields, we're sailing in the storms and this is harder than we dreamed but I believe that's what the promise is for." 

I've learned a lot over the past 23 years of Marriage. There are many treasures to find .. some about yourself .. some about your spouse.. but the greatest treasures I found were those about Jesus. It's because of the treasures I found in Jesus that I could see the real treasures in my marriage.. He has made all the difference in how we managed to come this far..We have truly learned how to dance in the mine field.. and that, I believe is what marriage is all about. 

Our marriage began with a promise.. to be with one another... through the good times and the bad times. I must say we've had our share of both. We have had so many good that I believe they overshadow the bad. Not sure how that works.. Only way that I can come to that conclusion is..it's because of our individual relationships with Jesus. We learned a hard lesson 10 years ago when our son went back home to Heaven..It was this..

We could not fix each other.. Jesus was the only One who could do that.. 

in other words.. as Husband and wife we individually had to look to Jesus for our healing.. not one another... We were gifts to one another .. a companion to dance with through the mine fields. When we learned to make the shift..to move one another off  "the throne" and allow Jesus to take His rightful place in our lives.. it took the pressure off .. It allowed for our healing. It really has made all the difference. 

Our life .. our marriage..with Jesus on the throne.. in His rightful place has proven the statics wrong. We were NOT a casualty of war.. we are still together..and stronger because of the battles. I believe this is because we understood that it was in the battles.. we would find our healing. It wasn't time that healed ..it was going to Jesus individually during the battle so we could help each other dance through the mine fields that the enemy had created for our demise.

Jesus healed us so we could be companions and comforters for one another.   

This is what marriage is for.. this is what it's about. We are helpers for one another.. We don't complete each other..we compliment one another.. Jesus is the only one who can complete us and make us whole. So, this brings me back to the whisper I heard this morning.. 

"Time doesn't heal all wounds.. Healing takes place in the overcoming." The voice continued with.." I will keep putting you in places where you experience the pains of past wounds over and over again until you realize that you are there for one reason.. It is so that I can use your feet, Julie to overcome your enemy on his own territory. This is where you will always find healing.. in the taking back of stolen territory.. In the overcoming." 

The Lord has given us so much healing in the overcoming of our earthly battles .. He has helped us recover and gain back stolen territory. What the enemy intended for bad .. Jesus has used for our good. The good began when I realized that the places of pain were places I would learn to overcome with Jesus.. They were not places of eternal punishment and sorrow.. but places where I would trade my ashes for His beauty and where He would  turn my mourning into dancing:)

I'm grateful to have this perspective today.. what a gift! We are the evidence of Gods goodness .. of His loving kindness here on earth. We are the living proof of how powerful His hope is.. it saved my life and our marriage. I'm glad I learned to dance through the mine fields... its been harder than I thought.. but the promise of healing kept us dancing in the right directions:)

Happy 23rd, Smith Peck.. You've been a wonderful dance partner:) Thanks for letting Jesus teach you some great dance moves:)

Reflections of His Glory

Currently, I'm taking a class on how to create a self care plan. It's teaching me how to live out 1st commandment first and 2nd commandment second.

"Jesus replied: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like the first:
Love your neighbor as yourself."
- Matthew 22:37-39

Last night we were discussing His glory... Specifically the glory He placed with in us so we could be a reflection of Him "on earth". 

Do you know what your glory is? Its treasures He placed with in your heart that allows you to become the "the one of a kind" individual here on earth that He created long ago in Heaven. How do we discover these treasures? We go on a treasure Hunt... Why? because these treasures are usually buried deep with in our hearts .. They are covered with a debris of lies from the enemy.

Allow me to paint you a picture. Your heart, its a treasure from God filled with many truths about who you are in Him. for example it may read like this.. Chosen, Beloved, Daughter of the King, Worthy, Brave, Full of hope, Healed, Beautiful, Free, Royalty, Holy and Blameless, Citizen of Heaven, light of the world, Free from sin and bound to righteousness. These are all true statements about who we are in Christ.. These are the treasures we must find and believe and live by.. But most often they stay dormant .. dead .. underneath the enemy's lies. He covers our treasures with dirty lies like.. shame, blame, guilt, unworthiness, performance, perfectionism, lust, greed, pride.. You get the picture.. All of these lies cover and kill our treasures.. our truths.. they were also bought by Christ when He died on the cross for you and your sins.. He paid for them.. and somehow we are tricked into thinking they are ours to take back ....and carry with us through life.

Jesus says to us.."give me back what's mine. That shame you carry.. its mine.. You've stolen from me and I want it back. I've replaced it with worthiness and grace.. mercy and beauty is yours to keep.. Give me the dirty lies of the enemy so my truth about you can live."

The real truth is until you give back to God what is His... The truth about who you are in Him will never live. The reflection of Him will never been seen through you until you give back to Him what is His. We must uncover the truth about who we are.. so we can live..

It is a real tragedy to allow these truths to die while living here on earth.. So, my challenge to you is this.. What have you stolen from Jesus? Shame.. guilt.. unworthiness? What ever it is.. give it back.. Ask for forgiveness and ask Him to wash you clean.. Ask Him to reveal the truth about who you are and what your special treasures are:) For me its Hope.. its Life.. its laughter... its worthiness..and courage.. its perseverance.. and love.. and my hope is to share it.. give it away extravagantly to all who want to share it with me:)

Lord, We love You.. We love who You are to us and for us... and we love who You want us to become and be.. Help us see a glimpse of Your goodness in our hearts today. Help us uncover the treasure and the beauty of You within us:) Give us the courage to believe:) I love You God- You make all things new!

A Beautiful Exchange- Not Fasting but Feasting on the Fruit of the Spirit for Lent

A Beautiful Exchange

Last year I gave up hopelessness for lent. This year I wanted to do something similar because I was given an amazing gift last year by giving it up. I began to realize early this year that I had gained a powerful focus to see hope in everything. Never thought I would be able to say those words after the past ten years of grief and loss.. not only for loved ones but for lost dreams and desires...loss of precious possessions and meaningful relationships. Its been a long journey through the valley but one well worth it. 

I began praying this week.. asking Jesus what could I do to honor Him this Easter season..This morning He reminded me of what He said to me 10 years ago.. 

"You are my witness, declares the LORD, 

and my servant whom I have chosen 

so that you may know and believe 

and understand that I am HE"

Isaiah 43:10 NIV

He said to me.. "Julie, I have chosen you to be my witness." 

So, I have come to learn that when I experience Him and see Him work in my life I am to witness to others about His goodness. In reality, this is what He calls all of us to do... yes.. You too:) He chooses us, we don't choose Him. And, when He chooses you.. He gives you a unique and special assignment only you can do. Pretty neat! I guess if He can make every snow flake different .. Its not a big deal to make our special purpose and assignments unique and one of a kind for us. The pattern I see with Jesus and me is that what He told me in the beginning He keeps telling me today. When He told me that I was a witness I did not understand all that I would be a witness to.. but today He reminded me of what He told me early on in my journey. He gave me a formula of how to combat the negative emotions associated with grief. It began with a statement that awakened my heart to the battle raging with in me and around me..

This is a picture of my 1st journal. It was when I began to fight against the heavy grief in my heart and in my home. My heart was broken over so many things and this is what the Lord told me..

 "There will always be war until the heart changes"

Followed by a quote by Milton

"War, open or understood, must be resolved."

There was a war going on in my heart and my home and it had to be resolved.. and it would not change until there was change in my heart. The war was over my heart.. The enemy wanted to kill it.. numb it with grief.. and the Lord wanted to awaken it and bring it fully alive with grief. Go figure.. what an amazing God principle seen here.. what the enemy wants to use for your bad.. God always wants to use for your good!

The next thought Jesus brought to my mind was the formula He gave me to hold on to while I journeyed the next few years...

This is a picture of page 5 in my first journal..

Here He showed me how to pray..

Pray for hope.. it opens the door to Grace and allows Jesus to do the works of faith in my life 

which planted and produced the fruit of the spirit with in me...

I have practiced this formula for many years.. It was after I secured hope this past year that the Lord began to teach me that the fruit of the spirit is a wonderful gift.. but it is more powerful when I use it as a weapon against the enemy. 

So, my first ah ha moment this morning was.. Wow, the Lord keeps bringing me back to the first thing He told me.. Which reminds me.. of who I am in Him.. A witness. And I should tell others about His goodness. His message for us is always the same.. He just keeps going deeper into it to show us a new revelation in it for our lives. 

I believe the Lord is going to establish something powerful with in me this Easter season by feasting on the fruit of the spirit. 

I have been listening to many of Graham Cooke's lessons lately and they have brought deeper understanding to my revelation from God..

"But the fruit of the spirit is

Love

Joy

Peace

Patience 

Kindness

Goodness

Faithfulness

Gentleness

&

Self Control

Against such things there is no law"

- Galatians 5:22-23 NIV

What does this scripture actually mean? 

That NOTHING works against it outside of Christ. 

So, When you actually practice.. feast on the fruit of the spirit.. NOTHING can work against you!

Once again.. My mind has been blown! The fruit of the spirit is actually the nature of God and how He relates to us and our enemy. The nature of God sets us free from the enemy. So, everything that works for us by His nature automatically works against the enemy.

When we feast on the fruit of the spirit we will encounter the nature of God. This will lead us into an ongoing experience with Him that will open us up to the fullness of who God is for us. This will become a lifestyle that He will take the greatest pleasure in..

What God is offering us is His unchanging Self so that we too can become unchanging in our way of life. That means unchanging in our nature and character. Unchanging in the sense of.. I am going to become like Jesus no matter what occurs.. and I'm unchanging in that desire so that I become constant and consistent regardless of those in my life who are good, bad or ugly. 

The fruit of the spirit gives us confidence in His relationship with us. 

As I commit myself to feasting.. practicing the fruit of the spirit.. I am sewing into His Character and reaping back from His favor..

So the fruit of the spirit is where I learn to abide in His nature...

The fruit of the spirit is the power of God that enables me to become more and more like Christ.. 

So, my plan is to focus on the characteristics of each fruit and practice them.. feast on them.. and allow my nature to look more like His.. 

Here is what each fruit looks like:

Love is:

exclusive affection

about cherishing 

about treasuring

the tangible favor and goodness of God

about having regard for someone with benevolence attached

about taking delight in someone or something so that you cause someone to feel

 beloved-ed just because you are a friend in their life.   

Love demonstrates loving kindness

Joy is:

about an intensity of gladness

about delight

bigger than all your circumstances

 James said consider everything joy..so that you could swamp your circumstances with the Joy of the LORD

who God is

our strength

an intensity of gladness

about elation

about having a sense of wonder

about taking absolute pleasure in someone or something

being jubilant

cheerful

triumphant

celebratory

When we practice joy we learn the art of celebration..

What are we celebrating? 

God is for me

God is with me

His is on my side

He is in me

He surrounds me

Everything about Him is for me and He will Help me

So.. we re-joice 

 rejoicing is our response to who God is

when we rejoice we are joyful because God is the happiest person we know

we rejoice in the fact that we know what God is like

Peace is:

a state of being quite

about learning to be calm

to be restful

a freedom from disturbance

an ease of mind

about stillness

having an inclination towards calm so that when you walk into a troubled situation you bring the peace of God with you. 

about being undisturbed

about being untroubled

about being content

about being composed

about being free from strife

Patience is:

The quality of being able to persevere under pressure with a good heart and mind. 

about endurance without complaint

not easily provoked

having a calm expectation 

being even tempered

a quiet persistence in the nature of God

Kindness is:

being considerate

being thoughtful towards someone

being benevolent

being compassionate

being generous

being loving

showing superior qualities of grace

Goodness is:

about looking out for someone's welfare

Acting with honor

being favorable towards someone

blessing someone

lifting someone up

giving someone a divine advantage

Faithfulness is:

being consistent

being constant

being unceasing

being firm in your promise

being loyal

being reliable

being unwavering

keeping your word

being trustworthy

Gentleness is:

about having a powerful humility

being meek.. understanding that meekness is strength under control 

being merciful

being sweet spirited like a dove

being tenderhearted 

Overcoming 

Self Control is:

about being restrained 

having a good frame of heart and mind

exercising discretion

believing the best about someone

being composed, disciplined and even tempered

having a moderating influence on people and situations

Written above are all the attributes that God regularly practices in relationship with us....Now it is my choice to learn and practice to relate back with Him in the same way..

I'm just going to confess. this doesn't look easy.. but it looks like it will produce a lot of good in me..

So, what to do next? I guess I will print off this post and keep it with me over the next 40 days to remind me how I am to respond to God, myself, others and my circumstances. I will keep you posted on what I "witness" along the way:) I can already confess that I have told myself twice while writing this post that "Love is not easily provoked" I guess I'm going to be a witness to  many changes over the next 40 days:) 

We conquer by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony

"And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death."- Revelations 12:11 ASV

I wanted to post today for two reasons.. 1. To share my testimony of how "The Lord works all things for our good" this is how we conquer the evil one and his affects on our lives. 2. I promised The Lord a long time ago that I would document this journey ... And now we can all share in seeing His goodness in the land of the living.. 

One memory that stands out in my mind as I look back is one that I had during a Beth Moore conference. She asked the audience, " Who are you mad at?". I sat for a moment and then I heard my answer loud and clear.. I'm mad at satan... The fallen selfish angel... who because he could not have his way... Is trying now to destroy my way. His attack on us from the very beginning of time was to make us believe we could not trust God.. That He was holding out on us.. That He was keeping us from all things good. This was and is the same lie that He uses to temp us all .. Especially when we walk through suffering. 

At the beginning of my journey I was not a Christ follower. I believed He existed but I did not believe His heart was good for me. I just believed if I could somehow do enough good things that it would keep His eye off me and by the sheer grace of God I would make the cut to enter into the pearly gates ... Comparison helped me justify this.. I mean I wasn't nearly as bad as some of the others I witnessed .. And surely they were making the grade curve low enough so I could squeak in... Right?

This was such wrong thinking... 

As I look back and remember today ... Yes, It is filled with heartbreak and sorrow but today it is also filled with so much joy and peace too.. I have a tradition that I like to to do every 23rd of December ..I like to go back and read in the bible that Jack scribbled in..
It was a bible I had never read before this time in my life. I had never opened it to seek any  guidance or hope... But for some reason I opened it the day after jacks accident and was amazed by what I saw.. Jack must have known I would be looking for hope.. And so he scribbled on the chapter of Isaiah 43 .. For many years I read this and found comfort but I also found pain.. I felt like God was telling me.. I have chosen you to tell a story of how someone makes it through tragedy.. So pull up your bootstraps and get to it.. My heart was always a little sad because I didn't want this mission.. But I would do it if I had to.
This past year as I read the chapter I saw it in a whole new light.. I saw it as a love letter that Jesus was sending me from above... He knew I was going to be walking through great tragedy and this was Him telling me He would never let me go..That is was His job to make the story worth telling.. not my job to tell a story of just tragedy but of redeeming love and restoration of lost and heartbroken lives.. It would be Jesus' work to give me a new heart and mine job to share what a life looks like after being carried and cared for through the storm.. Its been a long journey but one that has changed my life forever and for good:)

I wanted to add the pictures today to show you just what the Lord wanted me to know as I walked  through the past 9 years..He pursued me even when I was not pursuing Him...My favorite lines I will Highlight below.. take them them to heart if you need hope today.. there is enough to share.. The Lord is good.. He is faithful and will be your Shepard.. Your Companion .. and your friend .. He will never let go of your hand...

Israel's Only Savior

43 But now thus says the Lord,
he who created you, O Jacob,
    he who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
    I have called you by name, you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
    and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
    and the flame shall not consume you.
3 For I am the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I give Egypt as your ransom,
    Cush and Seba in exchange for you.
4 Because you are precious in my eyes,
    and honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,
    peoples in exchange for your life.
5 Fear not, for I am with you;
    I will bring your offspring from the east,
    and from the west I will gather you.
6 I will say to the north, Give up,
    and to the south, Do not withhold;
bring my sons from afar
    and my daughters from the end of the earth,
7 everyone who is called by my name,
    whom I created for my glory,
    whom I formed and made.”

8 Bring out the people who are blind, yet have eyes,
    who are deaf, yet have ears!
9 All the nations gather together,
    and the peoples assemble.
Who among them can declare this,
    and show us the former things?
Let them bring their witnesses to prove them right,
    and let them hear and say, It is true.
10 “You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord,
    “and my servant whom I have chosen,
that you may know and believe me
    and understand that I am he.
Before me no god was formed,
    nor shall there be any after me.
11 I, I am the Lord,
    and besides me there is no savior.
12 I declared and saved and proclaimed,
    when there was no strange god among you;
    and you are my witnesses,” declares the Lord, “and I am God.
13 Also henceforth I am he;
    there is none who can deliver from my hand;
    I work, and who can turn it back?”

14 Thus says the Lord,
    your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
“For your sake I send to Babylon
    and bring them all down as fugitives,
    even the Chaldeans, in the ships in which they rejoice.
15 I am the Lord, your Holy One,
    the Creator of Israel, your King.”

16 Thus says the Lord,
    who makes a way in the sea,
    a path in the mighty waters,
17 who brings forth chariot and horse,
    army and warrior;
they lie down, they cannot rise,
    they are extinguished, quenched like a wick:
18 “Remember not the former things,
    nor consider the things of old.
19 Behold, I am doing a new thing;
    now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
    and rivers in the desert.
20 The wild beasts will honor me,
    the jackals and the ostriches,
for I give water in the wilderness,
    rivers in the desert,
to give drink to my chosen people,
21     the people whom I formed for myself
that they might declare my praise.

22 “Yet you did not call upon me, O Jacob;
    but you have been weary of me, O Israel!
23 You have not brought me your sheep for burnt offerings,
    or honored me with your sacrifices.
I have not burdened you with offerings,
    or wearied you with frankincense.
24 You have not bought me sweet cane with money,
    or satisfied me with the fat of your sacrifices.
But you have burdened me with your sins;
    you have wearied me with your iniquities.

25 “I, I am he
    who blots out your transgressions for my own sake,
    and I will not remember your sins.
26 Put me in remembrance; let us argue together;
    set forth your case, that you may be proved right.
27 Your first father sinned,
    and your mediators transgressed against me.
28 Therefore I will profane the princes of the sanctuary,

God is not afraid of sin

God Demonstrates His Love

http://noisetrade.com/harvestparker/god-demonstrates-his-love

click on link above to hear this amazing song

I love the new song above by Harvest Parker. The verse that captured the heart of this post was..

"Oh until you looked upon me, Your compassion was on me.

Oh until You looked upon me, Your mercy fell on me.

I was deep in sin, but your Love was deeper"

  



Before I begin, I just want to say.. This is yet another mind blowing concept that God revealed to my heart this morning.So get out your mind blown journal and get ready to record another mind blowing moment.

I just started studying the book of Ruth a couple of days ago. I was asking the Lord to lead me to a new story to study because I had been with Joseph for a long time and needed a change of scenery. I kind of feel like that's been what I have been asking the Lord to do with my life lately.. please give me a change of scenery. It has been a long 9 years of struggle and I'm ready for a change.. some hope.. for my story to not be one disappointment after another.

I believe the Lord heard the cry of my heart! We received wonderful news this week concerning my oldest daughter. She is starting a new chapter in her life and ready to receive healing for her heart! I am so grateful because I did not see this coming one year ago. What looked like another disappointing event has been crafted into a wonderful blessing. It is truly a gift from God.

This wonderful news came with the prompting to study the book of Ruth. As I began to study I was astonished by what I found. The main theme of the book is about how God works in the darkest moments  of our circumstances. It shows us He is always working out the bad for our good, even when we give up, even when we sin. The book begins with disappointment after disappointment and leaves us thinking there can not be any hope for a good ending.

The beginning starts off pretty bleak. The death of Naomi's husband forces a move to a foreign land and results in the death of her only two married sons. She has lost everything and proclaims that the Lord has dealt bitterly with her. A famine comes and forces her to return back to her homeland. She tells her daughter in laws to go back home.. she has nothing left to give. One goes back and Ruth chooses to stay. I wonder why Ruth made this choice? Who would stay with someone who's life seemed to be peppered with suffering. She wasn't a believer, or at least not at first. Naomi believed in God but had retired to a life of bitter suffering. She was falling into the trap.. being a victim of her circumstances.

 I wonder if she had blamed herself for the tragic events in her life. Some of her choices allowed her family to sin.. could this just be what she was required to pay back in return for her sin? Or, was God working in the darkest moments of their circumstances?

The story takes a wonderful turn towards hope. It shines through Ruth after returning to Naomi's homeland. She finds favor with Boaz, who redeems her. He sees Gods glory shinning through her humble heart. She finds favor with him because of the way she found refuge under the wings of God during her suffering. He notices the refined gold that God has forged with in her to become a woman of great dedication and strength. I could go on with the good found in this story, but for times sake we can visit this story another time.  It ends with great hope.. a husband for Ruth and a son in law for Naomi. It also produces a son who brings us one step closer to Jesus.

Now, what I wasn't expecting to see was how God used sin to bring about His glory. There was major sin that occurred in this story when Naomi's son's married foreign women. It lead them to experience more death and a famine.  This was considered a major sin in their time and could have been an explanation given by the Pharisee for Naomi's tragic life. 

I then began to think of Joseph's life...

The sinning of his brothers forced Joseph into a life of slavery.
 The sinning of Potiphers wife forced Joesph into a many years of prison.
 The sinning of a cup bearer and baker kept Joseph in prison two year longer to surely kill all hope.

Where was God in all of the moments?

He was grooming a redeemer and working out salvation!

God sent Joseph ahead by means of sin to save his family and a nation.

Think about what happened at the cross..

God sent Jesus to the Cross by the means of sin.

Pontius Pilate sending an innocent man to the cross..

The Jews killing the Messiah...

One of the darkest times in the bible.. 

God was using sin to bring about Salvation!

It blows my mind..and reminds me again that God uses what the enemy intendeds for evil for our good and His Glory.

So, let this be a light of hope to you if everything in your life seems to be one disappointment after another.  Remember what the Apostle Paul said..

"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope."

Romans 15:4

God is always working.. He is always with us.. He is not afraid of your messy life .. He is not afraid of your sin. He is in the midst of your darkest circumstances working it out. Just keep hanging on to Hope because in His timing He will not disappoint you:)



Mindblowing! Gods ways are never our ways.







This is one of my favorite commercials! I love the thought of keeping a journal recording all the times your mind has been blown. 1. "Being born" 2. "My first hat!"... I laugh every time I watch this!

Yesterday I had one of those mind blowing moments where I could have pulled out my mind blown journal to record what I saw God do. I have been studying the story of Joseph for at least 2 years on and off. I have read the story many times and thought I had seen everything there was to see. And then, God blew my mind! He revealed to me His heart. It is so true.. His ways are NOT our ways!

Let me share with you what He shared with me ..

We all know the general story of Joseph. He is the favored son of Jacobs and has several brothers who do not like him. You really can't blame the brothers, they were reminded of their standing with their father every time Joseph entered the room with his special multicolored coat. Where the story get messy is when Joseph shares his God dreams with his family. He tells them that they will someday bow down to him. This revelation was the straw that broke the camels back. They plotted to kill him but ended selling him and sending him off to a life of slavery in Egypt never to be seen again by his father.

As I was reading this, I thought.. the brothers sinned because they didn't have their eyes on God. They were hurt because of the favoritism they saw their Dad give Joseph and took matters into their own hands instead of taking it to God. I believe if they fixed their eyes on God with their pain and allowed Him to heal them He would had given them all their own dreams. However, we do get to see how not fixing our eyes on Jesus will make the messy middle, messier.

Hold tight we are not to the mind blowing part of the story yet...

Fast forward 20 years.. Joseph has endured 13 years of slavery and prison. He had suffered greatly and grieved the loss of his family. I am sure his heart was broken because he knew he would never see his father or homeland again. However, He shows us how to suffer well through out his story. In every discouraging situation he found himself in, he accepted and turned and trusted God. After 13 years of suffering, he is brought out of prison and delivered into a high position of power.. all because people recognized that he carried the glory of God. God gave Joseph a plan that would keep a nation from famine. For 7 years He stored up grain.. God was preparing Joseph to help those who could not help themselves.

When the famine came, Josephs brothers showed up for help. When they first met, his brothers do not recognize him. They assumed he was dead after all those years. However, Joseph knew immediately who they were. I can only imagine the hurt that began to well up in his heart.

Here is the mind blowing part

I asked myself, how did Joseph keep himself from hating.. judging .. and then killing them?

If this were me.. I would have acted out of what I saw in my circumstances and passed judgment to have them killed. I would not of fixed my eyes on Jesus.. because I am sure Jesus would of agreed with me. They deserved death after all they had done.. or did they?

Because Joseph turned and trusted God with his pain he didn't make the messy middle, messier.

God revealed to Joseph that what his brothers intended for evil He used for good. God used the evil of slavery and prison to fashion a leader and savior for his family and a nation.

Instead of a death sentence, Josephs family received provision and protection?!... GOD DID NOT CONDEMN THEM FOR THE PAIN THEY CAUSED THEIR BROTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mind blowing!

Just think, if Joseph would of judged and sentenced his brothers on his own he would of messed up Gods plans for redemption and restoration.

Again.. I am reminded to fix my eyes on Jesus always.. His ways are never my ways..

Mind blowing part.. because of this revelation ..my understanding of His heart for me is taken to a much deeper level. I often judge myself and others before I go to Jesus, which keeps me from seeing His heart in the matter.. keeps me from His love. I am now more inclined to go to Him and trust because He wants relationship and restoration... not death.

Thank you, Jesus! You have won me again!



I found HOPE in the Messy Middle

I love the lyrics in the song above. My favorite line is "I'm sorry for running in circles, for placing my focus on the waves and not Your face."

I can so identify! Many times I have found myself exhausted from running in circles because my  focus was on the waves and not on Jesus' face. In the midst of messy circumstances we tend to want to focus on the circumstance and fix it ourselves. But, Jesus said turn and fix your eyes on me in the middle of you messy circumstance. His promise is to guide us through it and reward us with a new inner strength we didn't have before.

The messy middle.. it's where we all get tripped up.  Sometimes we just don't know what to do. It just feels awkward to turn to Jesus first, especially in the beginning of our journey. We are taught to be independent and self reliant, the "we can do it" kind of girls!





But the bible tells us something totally different.

I have been working on a speaking project with two of my good friends, Barb Cash and Lisa Dittman. Our topic is how to get through the "Messy Middle" of life's struggles. We have all had our fair share of them. The details of the struggles are all different but they all have two things in common. The temptation to focus on the circumstance and fix or trusting and turning it over to Jesus.

 This theme also seems to be through out the bible.

 I awoke this morning and heard a small whisper that said, "God had a messy middle". As I began to research this thought I found that indeed it was true.

God had to sacrifice His own Son for our sins. Jesus had to die on a cross, while His Father watched. This was the only way to rescue His people from the oppression of hell. That's a pretty messy middle! 

I think it is amazing that the Jesus never asks us to do what He was not willing to do Himself. As I read the story, I noticed that when the Messy Middle was approaching Jesus went to pray. He turned His focus to His Father. The disciple's turned their focus to the circumstances.
Jesus wept, and accepted that the cup was not going to be taken away. He was filled with a strength to get up and accept His Fathers Will. He bared the cross and carried it with the help of a friend. His cross was place inbetween two crimals .. one who focused on circumstances and died and one who focused on Jesus and went to paradise. Jesus  struggled during the sacrifice and cried out, "Father, why have You forsaken me?" Then He trusted and turned and gave us all the gift of grace we could never earn.

The results were much different for the ones who focused on their circumstances. The disciples grew weary and slept, they rebuked and argued, cut off ears and denied that they ever knew Him. One even took his own life.  Their focus on their  circumstances caused them to loose heart, belief and faith.. it caused them to sin.. make mistakes.

This is why Jesus wants us to focus on Him and not our circumstances. When we focus on our circumstance's we can make the Messy Middle even messier.

If you think about it the bible is full of Messy Middle's. Here's just a few examples of people who made the middle messier.

Abraham and Sarah- Promised to be parents of many nations and during the Messy Middle Shara tried to fix it and it created a big mess. Yet, the Lord still followed through on His promise. Sarah messed up and was still chosen to be the Mother many nations.

Joseph and his brothers- Joseph shared a dream that made his brothers jealous. Instead of focusing on God to get their own dreams the brothers focused on their circumstances and sinned.. sold their brother to slavery. Joseph kept his focus on God for 13 years while enslaved and in prison. God kept His promise to Joseph while he struggled and delivered him to save many people.. even his brothers who tried to kill him.

Job- kept his focus on God while he endured many heartbreaking circumstances. He lost everything and did nothing to deserve it. He was tempted by his friends to blame himself and fix it. He trusted and turned and God explained and gave back twice as much as he lost.

I could go on.. what I want to point out is HOPE.. there's always hope in the Messy Middle. They struggled through the messy middles and still were called Hero's of faith! That is hope we can all hold on to. We need to understand, we all get lost in the Messy Middle. We also need to learn to turn to Jesus, the One who never get lost in the Messy Middle:)