"With or Without You?"

"With or Without You" 

U2

2 Cellos

 Today's advent devotional was about Noah. 

& 

How He found favor with the Lord.

As I was thinking this morning.. I heard this version of "With or Without You" by U2 playing softly in the background. I love this song! It reminds me of highschool and my first concert. It took me a few minutes to recognize the song at first.. but when I did the lyrics came flooding into my mind.. and I was reminded of the many times that I feel like I'm with or without God. You know those on and off moments with God. I bet Noah felt the same way during the building of the ark. I bet some days he was good and others.. he was like.. I dont even know what rain is?? 

Noah was called to build an ark that would save him and his family from the storm that was coming. 

This reminded me of a time when I felt like the Lord asked me to do the same. We were trying to heal as a family but everyone did it in a different way.

I felt like the Lord said,

  "Julie, build an ark to save yourself and your family." 

The ark was my heart. My heart was needing to be rebuilt and if I allowed Jesus in to help me rebuild it would someday become a safe place for me and others to find comfort and shelter. I obeyed the call but it wasn't easy when the storms kept coming. During the process of the rebuild I felt like the lyrics that go to the song above.. "I can't live with or without you."Somedays I was good living with Jesus close.. and some days I wasn't. It was a back and forth rhythm for a long time. I realize now that is just the growth process.. It was me learning to trust Jesus more and more with the rebuilding of my heart. There were many places that didn't trust Him.. so sometimes my broken heart took the lead and turned turn away from Him. I would experience the rebuild in my own strength and it would leave me weary and weak. This was not such a bad place because it was here that I learned to embrace my weakness, turn back to Jesus and fall into His arms. I would say.. I just cant do this on my own.. I need you.. I need something more than a natural view.. I need a supernatural view point of this earthy problem. He was always faithful to step back in with His strength. Again, the lyrics to the song above are so perfect.

 One verse says,

 "I can't live with or without you"

and the next verse says.. 

"And you give yourself away.. and you give..and you give.. and you give yourself away." 

The first verse reveals my humanity. It's hard to live in between two worlds. The one here where we are called to trust and know and understand without seeing. Some days we're good and some days we just don't want to tarry any longer.. I believe the Lord understands that we feel this way.. and He too longs for the day when we don't have to live "in between". I believe in all our turning back and forth He is always there.. giving Himself away to us .. giving and giving Himself away. He is the gift. He is always giving Himself away for us.. so rest today knowing.. its ok... He's with you.. even if you feel without Him:) 

So the lesson we learn from Noah is this..

with a mustard seed of faith we move close to Jesus

and work with Him 

by doing this we draw an invisible line in between us and evil

This is how we live in between both worlds..

the result

We become close friends with God

and we realize we can't live without Him:)

By faith, Noah built a ship in the middle of dry land. He was warned about something he couldn't see, and acted on what he was told. The result? His family was saved. His act of faith drew a sharp line between the evil of the unbelieving world and the rightness of the believing world. 

As a result, Noah became intimate with God. 

Hebrews 11:7

Where Are You? Day 3 of Advent

"You found me"
The Fray

This song reminds me of Job's questioning God.
Job's question was who are you? 

Where were you, God?
God, Listens patiently and answers with..
 "I'm so much bigger than your problems.. turn to me and I will take care of you:)


Where Are You? 

So my attempt to follow Advent this year is going good so far! I think it's because I'm following through the season with a couple of books I picked up this Sunday afternoon. 

 "The greatest Gift" 

by Ann Voskamp 

& 

"Unwrapping the Greatest Gift"

 by Ann Voskamp

I like them both because the first is for adults and the second is for kids. 

Both are a treasures to read each day. 

Today, Ann's focus for the day requires us to ask a question. 

Where Are You?

"Where are you in your life? 

Where are you- from Jesus? 

To get where you want to go, the first question you always have to ask is Where am I? 

We only find ourselves when we  find out where He is. 

We only find ourselves .. When we find Him. 

We lost ourselves at one tree .. And only find ourselves at another."

We died because of one tree, but if we turn to face the other tree 

we will find life and live it more abundantly. 

Isn't that what we all want? 

To find the secret to live a life well lived. 

I know I do.

So, where do we begin?

Ask yourself, Where am I?

Have you fallen short? Me too:)

"Whenever you fall, wherever you fall short, your God whispers to you with a love that wraps around you like a gentle arm; "Wherever you are, I will always come find you. Whatever you've done, I will always keep looking for you until My eyes see you, till My hands of healing reach you, till I can hold you close again to my heart." 

This is Jesus. 

This is His heart for us.

The enemies voice questions, confuses and accuses.

His favorite bait is

"God doesn't really love you. God doesn't really give you good enough things.

 God doesn't really give the gift of love all the time." 

and oh how he loves to ask these questions this time of the year.. 

Don't bite at the bait

his words spill from a wounded prideful heart that turned due to pride. 

pride will always keep you far far away from true authentic love. 

So let Ann's words below seep deep into your heart today. 

Let's be joyful that we have a Savior that is always looking to Save us:) 

"At one wooden tree in the Garden of Eden, we fell for the lie that God didn't love us, and we fell away from God and got lost. And at one wooden cross near the Garden of Gethsemane, God found us and stretched out His arms and proved forever and always and no matter what He loves us with an unconditional, unbeatable, unfailing, unwrapple love." 

As I thought about where I was at.. A smile came to my face. For many years I've worried about my children in all kinds of ways.. This year I can say I have such peace because I know without a shadow of doubt.. He is with them all no matter where they are at:) The best assurance out there:) 

"I've always loved You" Advent Day 2- Waiting in love

"I've always loved you"
- Third Day

December 2, 2014

I can't think of a better song to help us keep our focus on His love today:) Love this one from Third day:)

Advent

Today's focus is Creation. Genesis 1. The beginning of the perfect love story written about us and for us. To show us just how much God thought of us and loves us. 

 First this: God created the Heavens and Earth—all you see, all you don’t see. Earth was a soup of nothingness, a bottomless emptiness, an inky blackness. God’s Spirit brooded like a bird above the watery abyss. Genesis 1:1-2

One of my favorite passages in the bible.. God creates all we see and don't see out of nothingness.. out of a bottomless pit.. out of emptiness and inky blackness. 

Don't you feel sometimes like this could describe the life your living now?

If so.. He's brooding over your life just waiting to make something wonderful of it.

His heart.. His love broods over your life, your heart. He is waiting to create.. He is waiting to make new life. He is love and it's active in your life. 

Just open the eyes of your heart and see

See Him brooding

See Him smiling 

See Him loving

He created us for His pleasure.. 

Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.- Revelation 4:11

He created us to bring Him pleasure.. Wow!! 

Think about that..

He didn't create us 1st to be His Doers

He didn't create us so He could keep tabs on our wrongs

He created us because we bring Him pleasure:) He loves us

We must know this before anything else:)

This is what real love is.. 

 Love never gives up. 

Love cares more for others than for self. 

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. 

Love doesn't strut

Doesn't have a swelled head

Doesn't force itself on others, Isn't always "me first," 

Doesn't fly off the handle, 

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, 

 Doesn't revel when others grovel, 

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

 Puts up with anything, 

Trusts God always, 

Always looks for the best, 

Never looks back, 

But keeps going to the end. 

Love never dies. 

Today lets focus on Love.. 

This is what Jesus showed us while He was here on earth:) 

This Christmas, I will wait

"I will wait"

Mumford & Sons

I do love Mumford and Sons! There is something about their songs that point me to a deeper meaning. As I looked for a song to illustrate my thoughts, this one seemed to go perfectly. 

Advent defined as "A coming; the coming of our Savior." 

I've always wanted to follow Advent... but I always seemed to get sidetracked by the busyness of the season... or my focus on "lack" or "grief". This year I want to do it differently.. I want a slow down and follow.. or shall I say "wait"?

I love the lyrics in the song above. They so describe my heart for this season.. "I will wait for You".

I chose those words because when you need your memories of past Christmases to change from bad to good.. that's what you do.. You wait for Jesus to change them. 

This Christmas will be the 10th year of Christmases without Jack. It has been a long road for us all.. but today I can honestly say Jesus has helped our hearts heal in a way that we can begin to enjoy Christmas again. 

A couple of weeks ago I began feeling the nudge to look up the definition to the word Expectancy. 

I felt like the Lord was saying: 

"Julie, focus your sight on Expectancy not Expectation. For so many years you have focused on your expectations (on the outcome of things) and they did not go well, so you gave up hope. This year focus on expectancy (waiting for Me to show up) and see how things go and this will grow your hope in me." 

So, I agreed to go on the journey with Him this Christmas season. I'm setting my focus on Him and not the outcome of things. This will be a season of waiting and looking for the good in all things:)

I looked up Expectancy and Expectation.. wow!! What a wonderful focus it brought to where I spend my attention..

Expectancy - The act of expecting; HOPE; a looking for with pleasure. 

Expectation - The act of expecting or looking forward to a future event with at least some reason to believe the event will happen.  

Here is the difference between the two

Expectancy originates in desire and may exist with little or no ground of belief that the desired event will arrive. 

Expectations are founded on some reasons which renders the event probable. 

Expectancy  directs us to focus on "something good"

Expectations are directed to good or BAD. 

A couple of things went through my mind as I read the definitions. 

Expectancy is born from desire.. "Delight (hope) in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart"- Psalm 37:4  Expectancy is from the Lord.. it is His desire for us to be looking for Him and His good. 

Expectancy can be held on to with little or no ground for belief. "If you had faith the size of a mustard seed, you could say to this black mulberry tree, 'Be pulled out by the roots and planted in the sea,' and it would obey you. "- Luke 17:6  The Lord doesn't expect us to have great faith to see His goodness..

Expectancy- looks for something good:) Jesus is always good.. He always brings good.. Even if your sight at the time can only see bad. If you hold on and wait.. He will heal your heart so you can see His good. This is what allows us to live again after great suffering.
 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."- Romans 8:28

Expectations- They focus on good or bad.. that definition makes me think it's based on what we see by natural sight.. not by supernatural sight. I'm not trying to say we ignore the bad.. because it will show up.. Jesus promised us that.. He warned us of that.. but He said that if we wait and walk with Him through our suffering we will also get to share in His glory:) There is always a supernatural victory on the other side of your earthly suffering. "We overcome evil with good."- Romans 12:21  We train our sight to see expectations in a supernatural way.. we learn to see the good so it will help us overcome the bad.

Summed up.. Expectations are not bad to have as long as we look at them the right way. On this earth we will all live in between the pain of this world and the promises of His word. So, We look at the good and bad and wait in expectancy to see how Jesus handles the outcome:) We always leave room for Jesus..We wait:)

And so for this season.. this advent...Jesus, "I will wait, I will wait for You" in expectancy of your good for each and every outcome:)

Come and learn to BE BRAVE

"Arise! For this matter is your responsibility, 

but we will be with you; be courageous and act."

Ezra 10:4

I am preparing to attend a women's conference at my home church, RiverStone Church in Kennesaw, Georgia. The theme of the conference is "Finding your treasure" and it will be a time of discovery with the Lord. We will be going on a treasure hunt. 

Oh, how I love to find lost treasures! 

Did you know that you have God- Gifted treasures buried deep with in your heart. Special treasures that make you  a "one of a kind". Treasures so special that you are considered a pearl of great price to your Heavenly Father.. 

Most of us know this.. but we don't feel this way in our hearts. 

Why?

Because everyday life .. hardships.. relationships.. mindsets and perspectives cloud and distort our treasure chests.. our hearts. We desperately need to slow down and uncover the treasures. We need them to be the person God's called us to be.. Our community needs for us to uncover them so they can see Jesus and experience Him in a way only "you" were designed to reveal. 

To do this we need community that will help us see the treasures. We need community that will help us be brave enough to begin the search.  It takes courage to uncover your treasures...It sounds boastful to say.. I am worthy and His beloved.. I have been called to set the captives free. We would rather say.. I'm just a vessel with no worth.. If the circumstances are the way they are.. Then it is His will to be done..This portrays a  powerless God. This is not the kind of mindset we should have.. We are special to Him .. created by Him to display His glory here on earth. When we see the special treasures He has deposited with in us.. we begin to understand why we are here.. and what we are here to do. We can join with Him and set the captives free and bring what is already done in Heaven to earth. 

So,

If your tired of feeling less than a pearl of great price.. come and join us this Saturday. Come and find your treasures.. your heart has been waiting way too long to be discovered.. so has your world:) 

As we prepare for our journey I thought it would be good to prepare our hearts with two songs. Donna Desilva used these songs in her teachings this week and I thought it would be good for us as well.

The first song sets our hearts to "be well" with where we are at on our journeys. What ever our past is.. we are still a pearl of great price in our Heavenly Father's eyes. The second song stirs us to be brave .. and that is just what our Heavenly Father wants us to be.. Brave.. Because it is He who makes us Brave:)

"It is well"

"You make me brave"

Come, and Learn to BE BRAVE! 

Getting to know myself - A gift from depression

I love the message of this song is - God knows us.. 

"Nothing is hidden from Your sight

Wherever I go, You find me

You know every detail of my life

You are God and You don't miss a thing"

God, He doesn't miss a thing. That statement would of scared me 10 years ago. Why? Because I only saw a God who didn't love. I saw a God who was only concerned with my performance and not my heart. Today, I see God so differently.. He knows me and loves me and cares deeply for the condition of my heart. This  new perspective was a gift from my journey through depression.  

I wanted to share with you what it looked like for me to journey through..

So many times we only get to see the finished product.. that helps no one. I feel like God has called me to be a witness. Someone who will share what it looks like to walk with Jesus through the messy parts of life.I want to be someone who not only shares the happy parts.. but one who shares the heartbreaking parts too. 

Because, the moment your heartbreaks is when Jesus is the closest to you. 

You need to know that..

 Jesus does His best work when we see what He See's.. He knows when our heart is broken.. and most of the time we don't ...or we ignore it.. or we cant bare to look at it. When we ignore our heartbreaks we get lost. We lose small parts of our hearts with every heartbreak that is not taken to Jesus. Ignoring them will eventually result in a hardened heart that feels nothing..not even love. "Do it Your Self" preservation is a coping mechanism straight from Hell.. the enemy wants you to think you can ignore and handle it yourself.. that is a lie. Don't be fooled by it.. Jesus cares and wants you to have a whole heart that loves the way His heart loves. 

So my first assignment in the journey through depression was "Getting to know myself".

As I journaled each day, I discovered clues about myself and what God wanted me to know about myself. He focused my attention on my desire.. and it was to feel joy again. 

He showed me how desire was an emotion and emotions were from Him. 

A definition of desire-  an emotion from God that moves you to act, to attain or posses an object of pleasure. 

After understanding that emotions were from God and that they were suppose to move me to attain good things.. objects of pleasure .. I quickly noticed that something was not lining up with this truth. My emotions were not moving me towards pleasure.. they were moving me to places of pain. 

And this is just what God wanted me to see

He saw that my emotions were taking me to places of death not life.. dead ends not new beginnings and only seeing sorrow and never seeing joy. He explained to me that my sight at this point was OK.. but I needed to talk to Him about what I was seeing. I needed Him to help me shift my perspective. He was showing me how to know myself.. and the process looked like this.. 

When I felt hate... or bitterness.. or sadness with out hope.. He would have me pray..

I would pray for hope..to receive grace..that would do the work of faith..

The work of faith for me in the midst of this process was found in the definition of Faith.."the assurance of things hoped for ..the conviction of things not seen". I dug in a little deeper and asked the question.. what is conviction? The answer was the "awakening of conscience preceding conversion". Then I asked.. what is consciousness?  The answer.. "knowledge of our own actions or thoughts". 

So, as I looked back at what I wrote.. I felt like that Lord showed me something that has now changed  my life for ever ..for the good.

He was showing me how to bring to Him the emotions that I was truly feeling..and when I did that His grace would do "a work" on my emotions. He helped me see the true condition of my heart and began to show me how His grace would change my emotions into righteous emotions. He helped me see that what I was feeling and seeing needed His perspective ..My emotions without Jesus only saw the bad in each circumstance.. But with Him I would learn to see the good too. He was teaching me how to balance myself in the midst of heavy unbalanced depression. The best part about this phase of my journey was.. He was OK with where I was at.. He loved me and wanted me to know the way back to a life filled with Joy. There was no condemnation just love and acceptance. He was showing me that I had come to the end of knowing how to help myself..He wanted me to learn how to lean on Him for help. He was showing me that He knew me..and He knew what was best for me:)

Our greatest desire is to be known.. Timothy Keller says it best.. 

“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”

He knows us.. and He still loves us:) Awaken into the knowledge and understand of that..

When you have these two key components built into your foundation of faith you He can begin to transform your emotions into ones that take you to pleasure... to joy.. to hope. 

This is what the process looks like to me..

1. I have learned to take note of my emotions

2. I take them to the Lord

3. He helps me line them up against righteous emotions

4. These look like the fruit of the spirit because these emotions are motivate by love

5. When they don't line up.. I wait before I act

6. I let them rest and allow Jesus to clean them of all impurities

7. I also take my unclean emotions to wise counsel.. they help me work through until I am        motivated by love and not hate or bitterness..

8. When my heart feels like grace has done its work of faith.. I will feel a different side of the emotion.. I will feel the love side of it. 

9. This new emotion now motivates me towards places of life.. out of depression. 

This is how we grow in character through obeying our counsel in the midst of suffering. This is the process of taking back stolen ground and how God can use everything for good.

I hope this helps you see the first steps to take while journeying through depression. It helped me and I my hope is that it will help you:)

How I found my way "through" depression.

This song has a great message

"Go back, go back to the ancient paths

Lash your heart to the ancient mast

And hold on, boy, whatever you do

To the hope that's taken hold of you"

In light of all the talk about depression this past week, I thought I would speak about my own journey through a very real depression. I believe I made it through to the other side and wanted to share...

Hope

That was what the Lord told me to pray for. (and by the way.. Me and The Lord at this time were just getting to know one another other.. I was a beginner )

One simple word began my quest through depression. It began with a question, and isn't that what Jesus does best? He always locates our hearts with a question. My question was "What is the Joy of the Lord?" 

This was my journal entry on June 3, 2008. 

I'm going to let you take a peek at how my mind processed depression and grief. As I look back on this journal.. it looks like I was a bit crazy. And yes, I agree with what you are thinking as you look at the journal entry above.. It almost looks like notes from some nutty professor. I believe at this point of my journey I was a bit crazy...but,  I had never been in a place like this before. I was desperately trying to make it to the other side. I wanted to feel joy again, but I didn't know how that would ever be possible. I had been in counseling and been given medication..but none of it was working. At this point of the journey I had just switched to a new counselor and stopped taking medicine. My counselor suggested that I start keeping a journal. I was never one who journaled before .. but I thought at this point getting out what was stuck on the inside of me would be good..and this is how the Lord led me through. I know, it looks like a mess.. but this one question from me to the Lord actually led me down a path where I received a miraculous healing in my heart. I asked the question.. What is the joy of the Lord.. and I heard Him answer.."It is your strength, Julie." I then asked what is God's strength? I then heard.. "Faith" 

Is God's secret joy my faith? 

"Faith is the assurance of things hoped for the conviction of things not seen."

- Hebrews 11:1

And it was here that God revealed the desire of my heart.. I was hoping for joy again.. and the secret path that was going to lead me to feel joy again was to have faith for it even if I couldn't see it. 

I made a vow at this point to lean on God.. my counselor and my community until I saw joy again. These are key components to the healing journey. 

1. The most important part of this journey is to learn how to lean on Jesus. His word is active and alive and can change the way you feel. I am a living testimony and witness to the healing power of having a personal relationship with Him. 

2. You can not do this alone.. you need wise counsel. I had been to many counselors at this point hadn't found much success. But, I didn't give up.. I kept looking and came across one who's whole goal was inner healing which produced outer transformation. She taught me how to talk to Jesus and how to discern His voice. I still see her today.. she is now more of a mentor to me. She has changed and saved my life:)

3. You also need community.. one that is walking down the same path as you. This helps you see that you are not alone. In this place of community you will find others who can share and help carry your pain. These people will become another family and life line for you. 

4. You also need to engage in life giving mind altering perspectives. In the midst of depression you need to learn how to change the way you see. You need to be able to see more than just the bad.. You need to be trained on how to see the good too. For me I came to an understanding that depression wasn't necessarily a bad thing. It was place of "pressing down for me". It was a place where God was pressing out of me what didn't need to be there and also a place where God would fill me with new things.. things of Him that I would  need to feel joy again. This is where I came up with the name of my blog.."Hollow to Whole". The Lord showed me that Depression wasn't bad .. it was a place "in between".. I was in the middle of a journey going from a place I knew to a place I didn't know. I had no experience or concrete context of the new place I was going.. but I knew faith would get me there.. and today I can honestly say.. I have found joy again. I don't blame God for the bad things that have happened anymore.. I know now to grab His hand when the bad things come. He teaches me in these places. He uses what the enemy sends my way to kill me to actually give me life. I have so much more than knowledge.. I have an "understanding".. 

And.. the understanding is .. the joy of the Lord.. is actually my strength. His joy comes to us when we allow the grit of life to change us .. mold us.. transform us.. It builds character and a firm foundation that helps us stay strong when the next storm comes. We will do this process over and over again here on earth.. It helps to make us a clearer reflection of Him here on earth:) 

Just so you know... the journey is messy.. it's hard.. but I feel like this is how Jesus wanted me to see it.. Life is not about doing everything right the first time.. We learn by living.. walking into the messy parts of life and taking note of our stuff.. Its never really about the other person or the circumstance.. It's all meant and sent to teach us.. it's always about making the person of you better, stronger from the inside out. 

This is my take away from my journey through depression..