I will trust here in the mystery

"Heroes"

Amanda Cook

This.

This song captures my journey. I awoke today, December 23, 2015, and found a gift. I have been waiting a long time for it.  I knew it was coming, because it was promised to me. 

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."  

        Philippians 4:6-7

The gift is peace. Not just any peace, but peace that surpasses my understanding. It came slowly over time but has shown up today in a way that I can't explain or understand. This day is a day of remembrance for my family. A day that a very special little boy moved into a new home. One that His Father had been preparing for him since the beginning of time. It was a day we will never forget. One that began very bitter but has been sweetened over time because He has brought healing to our hearts.

As I unwrapped my gift this morning, one thought kept running through my mind. "Wow, how can it be? The sharp pain of grief is gone." I'm still sad, and I never want that feeling to go away. I will always miss Jack. But, the isolating, crippling pain that I once lived with is gone.  I can't really tell you how it happened. There is no formula for this kind of healing. It was given in small amounts along the way. There are many pieces to this puzzle. 

Some of my pieces looked like this: 

Time alone in the wilderness with Jesus.

Attending a grief share group. 

Slowly welcoming and accepting my new community of fellow grievers. 

Realizing my grief is hard for others to watch and it may push them away for a season. 

Counseling is a lifetime investment

Serving others in need

Allowing truth/Jesus to transform the way I think, see, act and believe. 

I'm sure there are more pieces, but those are foundational. 

This morning, as I thought about the peace, I heard Jesus say, "Tell your story, it gives hope to the one's behind you." I know there are many who need hope. They need to know that someday their grief will lift and the pain will not always sting so bad. The one's looking for hope will find it in Jesus, just like I did. 

My story looks like this today. My family is together and we are all under one roof:) That is a miracle in itself! I hear the laughter of two sisters who are happy to be together. That gives me such unexplainable joy. I also hear, I love you's from so many of you who have helped us carry our grief. Thank you for hanging in there with us! Also, our family members are all at different parts of their journey. Some are more sad today than others, and that is OK. We will laugh and we will cry. We will talk about Jack and wonder what he would be like today if he was still here. Just this morning we were arguing over what kind of clothes he would wear. Would he be preppy or sporty? Ha!, We still have not come to a conclusion. Today we will meet each other right where they are on their journey. We will allow the breath of God to renew our hearts and prepare us for another year of walking this out. With each year we learn a new part of the bigger story. And, that makes this journey worth it!

I'm going to end this journal entry now so I can go laugh, and maybe shed a few tears with my peeps. May hope and peace fill your hearts today. Merry Christmas to you all!!

Love the Peck's

                                                    Can't wait to kiss that face again!

The lyrics to the song above are so good. Read them and allow them to transform you.

Let the heroes rest

Let the striving cease
I lay down my crown
Here at Your feet

I will trust
Here in the mystery
I will trust
In You completely

Awake my soul to sing
With Your breath in me
I will worship
You taught my feet
To dance upon disappointment
And I, I will worship

Let the weary rise
Lift their eyes to see
Your love crushing every lie
Every doubt and fear

I will trust
Here in the mystery
I will trust
In You completely

Awake my soul to sing
With Your breath in me
I will worship
You taught my feet
To dance upon disappointment
And I, I will worship

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
You are making all things new