Who do you call in the middle of the struggle?
"Hello"
- Adele
I have been captivated by this song since it came out. There is something about Adele and the way she sings from her heart that touches me. I think it's the pain I hear coming from her broken heart that touches mine. The pain that pierces through this song is haunting.. and the haunting reminded me of a great truth I've learned. And that truth has set me free.
Jesus therefore said to those Jews that had believed him, If ye abide in my word, then are ye truly my disciples;and ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. - John 8:31-32 ASV
Ok, I never thought I would use this song to illustrate a truth on my blog. I really thought I would just continue to secretly sing this song karaoke style from the safety and comfort of my companion-less car. What is even more unexpected is that my revelation of such a truth from this song comes today, the first week of Advent. A week that begs us to slow down and remember what was given to us over 2000 years ago. It was gift that shifted the whole universe towards hope.
Hope is hard to find sometimes if you don't know where to look or "who to call". After loosing Jack, I felt pretty hopeless. I kind of felt like the character that Adele portrays in her song above. In the video it shows a girl who goes back to a place of pain to remember. She wants to reconnect with a person from her past. Someone she loved. Someone she hurt. She calls because she wants to say she's sorry for breaking their heart but the other person never answers the phone. She comes to the conclusion that the other person is no longer being torn apart by the pain she caused. The other person has moved on.. and she is stuck in the past.
In my situation, Jack had moved on. He moved to a place where I couldn't see him or talk to him. He moved to a place that gave him the ultimate healing. A place where he could see me from perfect love. A place where he wasn't mad at me or angry for the mistakes I had made with him while he was here those short 4 years. Me, I was left with a death, grief, and a broken heart leaking with regrets. When someone you love leaves this earth you think of all the times you messed up. What you could have done differently. How you could have been a better person to them. Your broken heart wants to tell them your sorry for all the pain you caused...and also to tell them how very much you loved them.
and here.. in this place we can get stuck.
Why? Is it because we believe that time heals? Time passes and it's what you choose to do with that time that heals.. if it only passes ... you will find that the pain is still as fresh as the day it was given to you. Time without intentional healing with Jesus will only leave you with a bitter heart.
At the beginning of my journey I met many people who chose to let time pass. 20 years later they were bitter. I didn't know much about grief and Jesus at the time, but I knew I didn't want to be bitter. I also knew that the worlds solution for my pain didn't have a suitable outcome. I wanted to see Jack again and the only One with the answer I wanted was Jesus. I began to seek Him and He began to place people in my life who helped me grow my relationship with Him. They showed me how to turn to Him first in my pain. The healing is found when you "call upon" the right person. I used to call upon Jack.. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was... The problem with that was Jack didn't see our relationship from my view point any more. He was healed of that, he now has Jesus' sight. He now See's me in a way that holds no judgment. His view point is perfect unconditional love. And over time, Jesus helped me see Jack in a new way which gave my heart the forgiveness it needed to heal. When I think of Jack today, I see him happy and healthy. I see him living an abundant life expectantly waiting for another hug. He is happy.. and that makes me happy. It took a long time for that truth to take root and grow in my heart... but I am a living testimony to that truth and to the healing it gave me by simply believing.
Intentional healing is simply turning to Jesus first.. that's all. Turning to him in your pain allows Him to grow beauty out of your ashes.
Think of it this way.. In Gods economy the last shall be first and life always comes after death. The power that lives within you has the power to raise the dead parts of your heart back to life. Just like Jesus did right before our eyes. When we witness death it will always hurt, but Jesus gave us a gift that now gives us hope. Call out to Him when you find yourself going back to the wounds of the past. When we seek healing and payment from anyone other than Jesus we stay wounded and broke. Jesus is the only one who can ever give you the words you need to hear that will fully heal your broken heart.
Try giving Him a call the next time you find yourself going back to the painful memories of the past.. I promise He will be there to answer the phone..
and the "hello" from the other side will give the hope needed to live again
"This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?” God’s Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what’s coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we’re certainly going to go through the good times with him!"
- Romans 8:15-17
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