My Story Of Hope

"Pieces"

Amanda Cook

The song above tells of a man I met on my journey 

who has given me hope to live again. 

He is my God. A God of real tangible hope.

My story. I struggle every time I'm asked to tell my story. Why? I guess because it's hard to sit down and go over the past accounts. So many of them have withdrawals that I never saw coming. The "perfect" account of my story would be one without the debits of loss and grief. Yet, I know all too well today, in this moment, my "perfect" story will only be perfected in Heaven. 

And this, the new belief system that allows me to peacefully make the statement above is what I'm most thankful for today. My heart has been healed in ways I never thought would be possible 10 years ago. This hope that flows through me is a living miracle with in me that I want to share with the world. The seeds of hope were planted in my heart at the moment of deep tragedy. I was standing over my 4-year-old son who had just entered the gates of Heaven. He was in a wonderful place and I was being displaced from everything in my perfect little world. 


My whole life I tried so hard to be good and do the right things. I believed in God, but I lived most of my life believing He was disappointed in me. The mistakes I had made along my journey were ones that kept me at a distance from God. My belief system was, "Keep trying to be perfect, and make things look perfect" and someday HE might allow me back in. That was a lie I was believing and living from most of my life. When my 4 year old son Jack died, December 23,2004, I came face to face with a reality of this world that pushed me to seek another world. I wanted to see Jack again and Jesus offered me a better choice. When the choice was offered it was in the midst of my messy less than perfect life. I had been keeping Jesus at a distance so I could get things right and all He ever wanted was for me to see how much He loved me. 

Life is found in the way we see. At the beginning of my journey all I could see was my mistakes and heartaches. I walked around for a while in a fog of pain desperately hoping for it to lift. After trying to fix things on my own I began to look for help. God answered my prayers with people. He began placing people in my life that helped me see Jesus in a different way. Over time and with their help, I developed my own personal relationship with Jesus. He has healed my broken heart by transforming the way I see and think about Him. The only way you will find true healing is by knowing Him as loving Father. When you know He loves you and He is for you then you can think and see His way. His thoughts begin to heal our hearts to change the way we feel so we can live again with hope. 



 If you are experiencing hopeless in an area of your life, it is because you’re believing a lie. There is hope in every circumstance. Jesus offers us hope in all things. He is the one wild card you keep in your deck that can trump all the hopeless circumstances of this world. If we invite Him in He can make the impossible, possible. He only asks us to call upon Him and invite Him into the impossible circumstances. We are not required to figure things out or clean up our messy lives, that is His job. He is God, and we are human. It's just that simple. He knows our limitations and our humanness. He created us. He wants us to understand our role as humans. We need Him for every step we take to guide us and grow us along the way.


Which brings me back to the "pearl of great price” that I would like to share with you from my story. This truth given to me by Jesus has given me the will to live again. It gave me the freedom to fail and learn from my mistakes. It took away the fear to ask for help. It introduced to me a Father who wanted to help me and rewrite my story to be one of great hope. I don't have to be perfect to be part of His family. He loves me just as I am, right where I'm at along my journey. 


Did you know that one of the biblical meanings for perfect is "to mature". Our worldly definition of perfect sets us up for failure. Perfect celebrates perfection. Perfection demands that we own and master things that God only called us to manage.  The lie we must see is this, masters don’t need help. They should know how to do everything on their own and RIGHT the first time they do it. This kind of belief system built with in me a prideful independent woman who was afraid to ever ask for help. 

Being perfect is not what God expects from us. He called us to discipleship. To follow Him and learn from Him. We are managers of what is given to us by Him. He is the owner and we learn from Him how to be the manager. Managers need instruction and direction and this way of thinking takes away the pressure of ownership. He expects us to see ourselves as He sees us, a human who is frail and weak in his or her own strength and understanding. He wants to be God for us. He wants to show us the way through our circumstances that help us overcome the enemy’s intentions for our harm. He wants us to see that "perfect" to Him is when we choose to turn to Him first. I think it makes Him most proud of you when you’re not afraid to turn to Him in the midst of your less than perfect mess. It's in that very moment that He reaches down from heaven and pulls you close to His heart and loves on you until you have the courage to live again. 


He is love. He loves us and His heart for us is restoration. He wants to restore us not to be the same, but better than we were before we broke. If we have experienced loss, His promise is to restore what has been lost. I am someone who has experienced loss. I am also someone who felt like a prisoner who hoped for a long time to feel better. I can testify today that hope is now a reality. He restored me, not as I was before but so much better than I could have ever imagined or done on my own. I am and always will be a prisoner of hope. The community God gave me has been my stronghold, a place of safety to heal and grow. Within this community I was encouraged to see God's Kingdom and economy in a whole new way. In His Kingdom we learn how to fight the unseen world around us.  We embrace our weakness so Jesus can be the strongest in us and through us. We know that the people who feel like the last in this world will be first in His world. We know that resurrection life is always birthed out of the short-lived death of this world. 

There are many stories in the bible that show us God's heart for restoration. Abraham and Sarah, Joseph, Moses, Joshua & Jesus are just a few to dig into. Remember, God can not tell a lie so lean on His faithfulness until you see your own restoration. Hope is not wishing for good, hope is knowing good is coming. So we plant the seeds of hope given to us by other's testimony. We water them daily with prayer, holding on to faith and love until we can share our own story of resurrection and restoration. 

"Return to your stronghold, O prisoners of hope; 

Today I declare that I will restore to you double."

Zechariah 9:12


So, hold on you prisoner of hope. Return to the safe place of Godly community and wait patiently for the double portion of restoration that your Loving Father in Heaven is preparing for you now:) I promise, it's going to be good:) 

Below is a written piece I contributed to a book entitled 

"The Reason We Speak" - by Marybeth Whalen

It shares more about the beginning of my family’s story and how God was always with us. 

Click on the page below and it will scroll down for you to read. 

Hello from the other side

Who do you call in the middle of the struggle?

"Hello"

- Adele

I have been captivated by this song since it came out. There is something about Adele and the way she sings from her heart that touches me. I think it's the pain I hear coming from her broken heart that touches mine. The pain that pierces through this song is haunting.. and the haunting reminded me of a great truth I've learned. And that truth has set me free. 

Jesus therefore said to those Jews that had believed him, If ye abide in my word, then are ye truly my disciples;and ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. - John 8:31-32 ASV

Ok, I never thought I would use this song to illustrate a truth on my blog. I really thought I would just continue to secretly sing this song karaoke style from the safety and comfort of my companion-less car. What is even more unexpected is that my revelation of such a truth from this song comes today, the first week of Advent. A week that begs us to slow down and remember what was given to us over 2000 years ago. It was gift that shifted the whole universe towards hope. 

Hope is hard to find sometimes if you don't know where to look or "who to call". After loosing Jack, I felt pretty hopeless. I kind of felt like the character that Adele portrays in her song above. In the video it shows a girl who goes back to a place of pain to remember. She wants to reconnect with a person from her past. Someone she loved. Someone she hurt. She calls because she wants to say she's sorry for breaking their heart but the other person never answers the phone. She comes to the conclusion that the other person is no longer being torn apart by the pain she caused. The other person has moved on.. and she is stuck in the past. 

In my situation, Jack had moved on. He moved to a place where I couldn't  see him or talk to him. He moved to a place that gave him the ultimate healing. A place where he could see me from perfect love. A place where he wasn't mad at me or angry for the mistakes I had made with him while he was here those short 4 years. Me, I was left with a death, grief, and a broken heart leaking with regrets.  When someone you love leaves this earth you think of all the times you messed up. What you could have done differently. How you could have been a better person to them. Your broken heart wants to tell them your sorry for all the pain you caused...and also to tell them how very much you loved them.

and here.. in this place we can get stuck.

Why? Is it because we believe that time heals? Time passes and it's what you choose to do with that time that heals.. if it only passes ... you will find that the pain is still as fresh as the day it was given to you. Time without intentional healing with Jesus will only leave you with a bitter heart. 

At the beginning of my journey I met many people who chose to let time pass. 20 years later they were bitter.  I didn't know much about grief and Jesus at the time, but I knew I didn't want to be bitter. I also knew that the worlds solution for my pain didn't have a suitable outcome. I wanted to see Jack again and the only One with the answer I wanted was Jesus. I began to seek Him and He began to place people in my life who helped me grow my relationship with Him. They showed me how to turn to Him first in my pain. The healing is found when you "call upon" the right person. I used to call upon Jack.. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was... The problem with that was Jack didn't see our relationship from my view point any more. He was healed of that, he now has Jesus' sight. He now See's me in a way that holds no judgment. His view point is perfect unconditional love. And over time, Jesus helped me see Jack in a new way which gave my heart the forgiveness it needed to heal. When I think of Jack today, I see him happy and healthy. I see him living an abundant life expectantly waiting for another hug. He is happy.. and that makes me happy. It took a long time for that truth to take root and grow in my heart... but I am a living testimony to that truth and to the healing it gave me by simply believing.

Intentional healing is simply turning to Jesus first.. that's all. Turning to him in your pain allows Him to grow beauty out of your ashes. 

Think of it this way.. In Gods economy the last shall be first and life always comes after death. The power that lives within you has the power to raise the dead parts of your heart back to life. Just like Jesus did right before our eyes. When we witness death it will always hurt, but Jesus gave us a gift that now gives us hope. Call out to Him when you find yourself going back to the wounds of the past. When we seek healing and payment from anyone other than Jesus we stay wounded and broke. Jesus is the only one who can ever give you the words you need to hear that will fully heal your broken heart. 

Try giving Him a call the next time you find yourself going back to the painful memories of the past.. I promise He will be there to answer the phone..
and the "hello" from the other side will give the hope needed to live again

"This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?” God’s Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what’s coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we’re certainly going to go through the good times with him!" 

- Romans 8:15-17

Let's expect to be transformed by hope this Christmas Season! If your experiencing a hard time now, know that the good times are coming!

"What can I Do?"

"Little Boy" is a movie that tells the story of a 7-year old boy that is willing to do whatever it takes to bring his dad home from World War II alive. 

First of all, I just love this little boy! He is so full of life and love for his father. The two of them have the perfect relationship. It is one that is filled with epic daily adventures that produce an inseparable bond of love. The movie takes us on a journey that shows the many seasons of life. Some are filled with smiles and laughter while others are filled with heartbreak and tears. In this movie, a painful season of the ‘promised suffering’barges in uninvited and unwelcomed—the little boy’s dad is called to war and taken far away home. The heartbreak and tears provoke the little boy's heart to ask some really hard questions. The first one is the hardest one to of all … What can I do?

I chose this movie trailer because it highlights a lesson I’m learning this season. The lesson is filled with many questions. How does God see me and what am I to do?This is a familiar question that is once again going after my need to perform and to be self-sufficient. I like to please others. I usually do this by doing the things ‘they’think I should do. This process begins with picking up responsibility that isn't mine, butbegs for me to come up with a plan and solution. I was made aware of this pattern earlier this year when I was faced with a problem I couldn't solve. The fruit that came from trying to figure it out was anxiety and weariness. I was exhausted with not being able to figure it out! I remember asking, “Jesus, what can I do?” The same question came to mind after watching this movie clip. What in the world could this seven-year-oldboy do to bring his father back home from World War II? He's just a little boy—a child with no resources.

Well, not from God's point of view. He has inside of him a resource that is more powerful than anything here on earth. He doesn't know it yet, but God is about to show him a power hidden deep within his heart. The power comes from his will to believe. He's only required to say "yes" to the one looking for His chosen one. You see the boy doesn't try to be God. He doesn't try to figure things out or take up responsibly that isn't his. He is asked one question, "Do you believe?" and his response opens the door for God to work. God just wants him to be willing to believe. When He says yes, God shows up in His full power and starts to move the mountains of unbelief. 

Recently, God began showing me that I was missing out on some much-needed grace. I wasn't aware of it but I was doing a lot of things on my own. He shined some light on my faulty belief system. The belief was "I'm sure I know how God's going to handle this because I've seen Him do this before." I won't bother Him. I'll just get the job done. This mindset was wearing me down and overloading my calendar. I remember one night feeling so overwhelmed by the heavy yoke I had around my neck. I cried out to God and said, “I can't do this anymore!” I remember hearing very clearly, "Julie, I never asked to you to do my job." He began to show me that my job was to be human and to do human things, which would actually let Him be God and do God things. I was neglecting the small human things He was asking me to do because they didn't seem important—or to be God like things. He showed me that doing the small human things actually opens the door so He can do the big God things. He didn’t want me to come up with a plan to figure everything out. He just wanted me to come to Him with every circumstance, no matter how small,and give it Him. He wanted me to come as a student in every circumstance with a teachable heart. His truth revealed my deepest fear, "I didn't have all the answers." This fear has driven me most of my life. It has treated me like a slave, whipping me until the job was done. It has kept me from many adventures because I was afraid of looking stupid. God only wants me to ask for help and believe in Him for the plan and outcome. He keeps telling me, “Julie, you be human and do human-like things so I can be your Savior and do God-like things.” This new way of thinking exposed a question that I was always asking myself… What can I do?

I would compare myself to others who seemed more equipped to do the job. The inadequacy I felt drove me straight to ‘figure it out mode.’ Fear would fill me and take my focus off the One who was more than capable of equipping me. I never thought about asking Jesus what He was asking me to do. Now, I see that He only wants me to offer my willingness to believe… To say "yes" and trust that He will provide the plan and the outcome. I needed to begin to believe Him for more than my salvation at the end of my story. Believing that Jesus is victorious in the end is good but I needed to start believing Him to be victorious in midst of my story.

One of my favorite stories in the bible is when Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. I know this may sound strange but it's not because He raise Lazarus from the dead. I've often thought, “Poor Lazarus had to come back to earth from Heaven!” What I like most about the story is how Jesus saved His most powerful miracle for His close friends, Martha and Mary. When Martha met with Jesus she expressed her belief in seeing her brother again in heaven. She believed this because this is all she knew to believe in up to this point.

"Martha said, ‘Master, if you’d been here,my brother wouldn’t have died. Even now, I know that whatever you ask God he will give you.’

Jesus said, ‘Your brother will be raised up.’

Martha replied, ‘I know that he will be raised up in the resurrection at the end of time.’

Jesus said, ‘You don’t have to wait for the End. I am, right now, Resurrection and Life. The one who believes in me, even though he or she dies, will live. And everyone who lives believing in me does not ultimately die at all. Do you believe this?’” (John 11:21-26).

Do you see Him ask Martha the question that is about to give her a new understanding of who He can be for her NOW in the midst of her story? He is inviting her to a deeper faith by asking her one question, "Do you believe?" I'm sure she struggled because her plan didn't line up with His plan. He saidthat her brother would rise again. She agreed, believing it would be at the end of her story. Then He asks Martha to believe Him for His plan and His outcome. Her reply...

“Yes, Master. All along I have believed that you are the Messiah, 

the Son of God who comes into the world”(John 11:27).

She says "yes" and this is how He responds...

Jesus looked her in the eye. 

“Didn’t I tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?”(John 11:40).

Her "yes" positioned her to see God's glory at one of its finest moments! He blew her mind when she expressed her willingness to let go of her plans and say "yes" to His.

Again, I'm blown away with what He has given me to share with you. I just love Jesus! I love His heart for us and how He wants to take the pressure off of us. He wants us to give Him the heavy things so we can sit back to see His amazing glory!

While We Wait-We receive the gift.. the One who saves

"Love Came Down"
-Brian and Jen Johnson

Today's Focus- Mary and Joseph 

&

The mess they found themselves in

"Mary has her angelic visitation to hear of the Incarnation weeks ago. Joseph gets only the stinging betrayal of her swelling abdomen. He gets one painfully awkward conversation. He gets to lie awake at night wondering what a nice guy like him is doing in a mess like this. No unassuming angel shows up for him until he's already made up his mind and heart to mercifully let her go. There is always that- we are not spared of all trials, but we are always spared of the trials that have no gifts."

- Ann Voskamp

The words above are so true..

We are not spared of all trials, but we are ALWAYS spared of the trial that have no gifts. 

As I reflect on today and what it means for me and my family.. I am reminded of the trial.. but I also see the gifts it has given me and my family. 

I couldn't help but notice that our tragedy happened so close to Jesus' birthday. 

It's a day I, we, will never forget.. 

It's the hardest day I, we have ever lived..

It's a day no one planned for .. 

It was simply an unfortunate series of events that began with love

With no intentions of ending the way it did..

I guess that is what you call a tragedy 

The definition of tragedy- a fatal and mournful event; any event in which human lives are lost, more particularly by unauthorized violence.

Yes, I would say our tragedy was unauthorized. It was a night filled with expectations.. 

expectations of joy.. excitement to receive. Children dreaming of sugar plum fairies.. singing Christmas carols, drinking hot chocolate and falling asleep underneath the Christmas tree ..waiting for their wildest dreams to come true.

and then

the unexpected

the unauthorized

enemy crossed over 

he invaded 

He tried to

steal from the innocent

he used innocent intentions 

to rob Majestic expectations

Let's notice this all comes 

at the same time something else is coming

"Now, Joseph, the angel said, "you get the job of naming the Baby Boy. Don't name Him any of the names in all the branching, reaching family tree- not Abraham or Isaac or Jacob or Boa or David- because this baby is God and man. You will name Him Jesus, because it means 'the Lord saves'.

Jesus

a gift given to us from Heaven above

and the gift is named

The Lord Saves

Think about it.. the very night our hearts were torn apart.. is the same night God is sending a gift.. one that will save us from the the unauthorized tragedy sent by the enemy. 

The enemy wanted to use this to tear apart our family..

but the gift that came with it

was

It only made us stronger

because we embraced the weakness that came with it. 

It only made us love harder

because His love shined brightest through our shattered hearts.

It only made us humble

 So we could carry the weight of  His Glory 

I must admit.. I didn't see this in the beginning..

I just saw the tragedy

I didn't see the gifts that were to come.

Today,
year 10
(the number 10 signifies God's divine order, completion, new beginnings!)

I see

I see all the gifts, thus far:)

I see that God's plan can never be thwarted. 

His plan of redemption and restoration is in motion and nothing can stop it. 

What He has allowed me to see

(only by His grace)

is that His plan to save is always there for us

our job..

we must see it 

take His hand

hold on tight

and ride that bull 

'till

the trial turns into the gift

the victory 

My victory today.. is my family is all together. We all took different paths to get here.. but we all rode the same bull .. and we all hung on .. I can't believe it.. but it's true.. my gift is Jesus saved.. He is saving and will keep saving until we get back home where we will get to see sweet little Jack again. 

Christmas.. 

It's a gift

one that you can not buy

you can only receive.

It's a filling

an expectancy
that we will meet with Him in the midst
encounter Him in the fog

that we will be saved from the attack

We will be restored to better than before
And we will be given new and whole hearts

&

WE WILL OVERCOME

any tragic event that comes to us

We overcome evil with good.. 

So when the enemy tries to convince you that evil will win

look at him fearlessly

eye to eye 

and say

No, you have just messed with the wrong girl!

I will not back down

I've been given a gift of grace that will withstand your fury

and it's no match to 

My Father's 

Love:)

"Every Christmas tree is shadowed by the Cross Tree: it's at the Tree that God does heart transplants- He takes your heart and does surgery. Christianity doesn't make narrow-minded claims. It makes a different kind of diagnosis. It's about offering a different kind of medicine. In the care of our own souls, Christianity isn't so much about exclusiveness but effectiveness."

-Ann Voskamp

Effectiveness is the word here to notice. 

Christianity is effective.

It changes all bad to good

if we give it to Him.

He heals

He gives life

He restores

He's effective..not elusive or exclusive

If you don't believe this..

I'ts because your agreeing.. siding with the one who slips in his epic question

the question that has never changed
is He really for you

does He notice you

does He care

Those questions confuse

steal and rob

they invite elusiveness & exclusiveness 

Jesus isn't about that

He's about effectiveness

life change

healing

Thank you Jesus

for the gift of You

The One Who Came To Save US!!
Thank you!!
I Love You
I am so thankful
You
came down and rescued me:)

While We Wait- We Look For The Little and Small

"Cinderella"

Today's Focus: 

Lifting Up The Little And The Small

The little and the small..

 The most important ingredients for a larger than life miracle

Little and Small is how we feel when evil tries to win. 

But 

What if we saw

Little and Small 

Differently?

What if , when we feel 

Little and Small 

we begin to see 

Little and Small

in a whole new way

we begin to believe

we

the Little and Small 

are the main ingredients needed

to help Jesus create larger than life miracles.

Advent- We are waiting.. And He is coming. 

"It's coming- the Kingdom's coming in little and small unexpected ways. And the King is coming to rule the earth and make all the sad things untrue and make all the bad things come undone." 

- Ann Voskamp

When I read what Ann said about sad things and bad things..My heart skipped a beat. It gives me hope to know that is what Jesus does.. 

He overcomes evil with good.

& 

the process begins 

with the Small and Little 

"The Son is sent in through the fallen kingdom's back door. the King is born into a barn to wrest the forces from the pit, slay the demons, crush the head of the evil one, and woo the world back to life. The war is bloody. It is heinously dark. And on Calvary, evil corners the Son. Iron spikes the King to a tree and laughs haunting triumph- Only to have light shatter the dark and the King fling off the rotting grave clothes and rise!"

Ann Voskamp

He comes in Little and Small.. 

Little and Small at first seems so insignificant.. you can miss it.. but what we learn from Jesus is that Little and Small can't be stopped from overcoming the disguise of Big that evil wears. 

We overcome evil with the little steps we make in the direction of  His goodness. 

"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good"

-Romans 12:21

Evil will attempt to make us feel like the cinderella's of this world. It will do everything in its power to make you give up on finding kindness. Evil can not give or receive kindness.. It only kills it..

We only find kindness from within..We find it in our hearts.. Jesus is the only one who can give us and fill us with true authentic kindness.. the kind that doesn't expect anything back when it gives. 

Cinderella's father needed help.. he needed someones kindness to step into the place where kindness was missing. His wife, Cinderella's mother was kindness..and taught kindness. She planted the seeds of kindness into her daughter's heart and it called out her identity.  She was royalty and was destined to marry a king.

 Her mother knew that..

Her stepmother did too.. 

and did everything in her power to stop it and manipulate it for her own good. 

Kindness gives and calls out our identity and moves us into our Kingdom destiny.

Evil takes and strips away identity and keeps us from ever seeing our destiny.

"If there is kindness, there is goodness & where there is goodness there is magic."

-Cinderella's Mom

Her mother was teaching her the Little and Small ways that would protect her from the assault.. that would reveal her identity and lead her to her destiny. She was destined to go to the ball re-dressed in His righteousness... Where all eyes would be on her .. Because She would be a reflector of His Glory.. She was destined to marry a prince and be the daughter of a King. Her Stepmother guided by evil..knew who Cinderella was.. who she was to become.. and she did everything in her power to snuff out the Little & Small seeds of kindness her mother planted deep within her heart. 

"The story of your life is the story of the long and brutal assault on your heart 
by the one who knows what you could be and fear's it." 

- John Eldredge 

Kindness can be lost when evil looks bigger..

 but we must not see it that way..

"Have Courage & Be Kind"

-Cinderella's Mom

Evil is a bully.. 

but when we take hold of the courage within.. 

the kind of courage that is built from sitting quietly in the Small and Little places 

at the feet of Jesus 

We find a kindness that builds a courage so strong

that no evil can ever overcome

Jesus has a plan of good for your life.. It can not be thwarted. 

Cinderella's story is bullied by evil. 

but look.. 

Kindness is sent in from above.. 

It comes in and builds courage.

that leads her back to kindness 

so she is able to see 

Goodness again. 

This is the same plan Jesus has for us

He sends in His kindness

so we can see His 

Goodness

that helps us 

Overcome 

the evil of this world.

"All the paths of the LORD are lovingkindness and truth" 

Psalm 25:10

So, Lets be on the look out today for the Little and Small things ..

the kindness He is sending our way 

It might just be right under our nose 

 the courage and kindness 

we are looking for..

The larger than life miracle

we are hoping for 

begins within

with

the little and the small:)

Remain confident of His promise to see His good in what looks like it will always be bad.  

"I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living."

-Psalm 27:13

I love the song..
"Timshel"
by
Mumford and Sons

The meaning of the word
Timshel—

Man's Ability to Choose Between Good and Evil

Noteworthy Lyrics-

"Death will steal your innocence
but it will not steal your substance"

"And you have your choices

And these are what make man great

His ladder to the stars

But you are not alone in this

And you are not alone in this

As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand

Hold your hand"

While We Wait-We Become Lovers Of The Light

"Lover Of The Light"

Mumford and Son's

Today's Focus: The Light

The Light of Christmas

"Christmas can only be found. Christmas cannot be bought. Christmas cannot be created. Christmas cannot be made by hand, lit up, set out, dreamed up. Christmas can only be found."- Ann Voskamp

In the darkest moments of life

there is always 

Light

there is always 

Hope

"The Light never comes how you expect it.  It doesn't matter how dark the dark is; a light can still dawn. It doesn't matter if the world whispers, "There's not a hint that help will come from elsewhere," telling us that nothing will ever improve, get better, change. God favors the darkest places so you can see His light the brightest."- Ann Voskamp

As I thought about today's focus I was reminded of the dark. 

My dark

and how in that dark I saw 

His Light 

Bright

Of course I came across another Mumford and Son's song that so beautifully portrays my journey. 

The video tells the story of a blind man who literally leaves his disability at the door, ditching his cane and wandering out into the wide world. And though he’s sightless, he bravely dashes through a forest, sprints toward the edge of a cliff and lives his life unencumbered, for the first time. The veil is lifted. Sight is given. The blind man can now see. This is a spiritual metaphor for us all. We are blinded by condition of our hearts. When Jesus heals our hearts we begin to see how life can be lived the way He promises. Abundantly and Joyfully, even when the grief comes.

The beginning of the video shows this man waking up.. The expression on his face as He awakes reminded me of the condition of my heart as I would awake from another night slept during my heavy grief.. I was always shocked that my eyes would open up again to experience another hell on earth day. We said it was like the Movie ground hog day.. returning each day .. with out welcome.. 

Each day it returned I would intentionally take a step towards Jesus. 

Not always wanting to..

but willing myself to..

I hated the journey at first.. I was not a lover of the light.. It hurt my swollen tear filled eyes. I remember the only thing I could think of before I would go to sleep at night was.. "Blink, Julie.. If you don't the tears will stay inside your eyes.. and your eyes will be so swollen tomorrow that you wont be able to get a cup of coffee in the morning without putting on your sunglasses." This is one of the deep profound truths I learned as I journeyed through grief.  Another truth was qualifying a day by.. "Can I handle mascara today?" Shallow.. but that's where I was:)

I began to love the journey when I became a "Lover of the Light". 

The video above begins by showing a Stag and a Oak tree standing side by side.. The stag represents Christ and the Oak Tree represents what you become when you follow the Stag. 

Isaiah 61 tells us that He came and still comes to comfort all who mourn.. To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes.. Give them oil of joy instead of mourning.. a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.. This is what He does when we become lovers of the light.. When we follow Him through the wilderness.. He replants us in wide open spaces and calls us Oaks planted by Him to display His goodness.. 

"They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the Lord

for the display of his splendor."

Isaiah 61:3

The video also shows the progression of following.. learning to love the light..Cooped up in our house of grief.. we rise each day and sit down at the table of God.. Here we learn His heart.. He builds a strong foundation.. Then one day He asks us to come out.. Be Brave and Courageous and leave your fear at the door.. Step out and run.. run through the wilderness .. into a place where you will be able to run straight off the cliff of your fear into a place where you can really live. Live with a heart full of His love .. abundantly.. moving from a mindset that thinks,  "I can't do that!" .. to a mindset that thinks, Geronimo! And before you know it your living again.. This is what happens when you become a lover of the light:)

The lyrics to this song.. pretty profound.. worth the read:) 

"Lover Of The Light"

And in the middle of the night
I may watch you go
There'll be no value in the strength
Of walls that I have grown
There'll be no comfort in the shade
Of the shadows thrown
But I'd be yours if you'd be mine

Stretch out my life
And pick the seams out
Take what you like
But close my ears and eyes
Watch me stumble over and over

I had done wrong
You build your tower
But call me home
And I will build a throne
And wash my eyes out never again

But love the one you hold
And I'll be your goal
To have and to hold
A lover of the lights

With skin too tight
And eyes like marbles
You spin me high
So watch me as I glide
Before I tumble homeward, homeward

I know I tried
I was not stable
And flawed by pride
I miss my sanguine eyes
So hold my hands up - breathe in and breathe out

So love the one you hold
And I'll be your goal
To have and to hold
A lover of the lights

And in the middle of the night
I may watch you go
There'll be no value in the strength
Of walls that I have grown
There'll be no comfort in the shade
Of the shadows thrown
You may not trust the promises
Of the change I'll show
But I'd be yours if you'd be mine

So love the one you hold
And I'll be your goal
To have and to hold
A lover of the lights

So love the one you hold
And I will be your goal
To have and to hold
A lover of the lights