This song has a great message
"Go back, go back to the ancient paths
Lash your heart to the ancient mast
And hold on, boy, whatever you do
To the hope that's taken hold of you"
In light of all the talk about depression this past week, I thought I would speak about my own journey through a very real depression. I believe I made it through to the other side and wanted to share...
Hope
That was what the Lord told me to pray for. (and by the way.. Me and The Lord at this time were just getting to know one another other.. I was a beginner )
One simple word began my quest through depression. It began with a question, and isn't that what Jesus does best? He always locates our hearts with a question. My question was "What is the Joy of the Lord?"
This was my journal entry on June 3, 2008.
I'm going to let you take a peek at how my mind processed depression and grief. As I look back on this journal.. it looks like I was a bit crazy. And yes, I agree with what you are thinking as you look at the journal entry above.. It almost looks like notes from some nutty professor. I believe at this point of my journey I was a bit crazy...but, I had never been in a place like this before. I was desperately trying to make it to the other side. I wanted to feel joy again, but I didn't know how that would ever be possible. I had been in counseling and been given medication..but none of it was working. At this point of the journey I had just switched to a new counselor and stopped taking medicine. My counselor suggested that I start keeping a journal. I was never one who journaled before .. but I thought at this point getting out what was stuck on the inside of me would be good..and this is how the Lord led me through. I know, it looks like a mess.. but this one question from me to the Lord actually led me down a path where I received a miraculous healing in my heart. I asked the question.. What is the joy of the Lord.. and I heard Him answer.."It is your strength, Julie." I then asked what is God's strength? I then heard.. "Faith"
Is God's secret joy my faith?
"Faith is the assurance of things hoped for the conviction of things not seen."
- Hebrews 11:1
And it was here that God revealed the desire of my heart.. I was hoping for joy again.. and the secret path that was going to lead me to feel joy again was to have faith for it even if I couldn't see it.
I made a vow at this point to lean on God.. my counselor and my community until I saw joy again. These are key components to the healing journey.
1. The most important part of this journey is to learn how to lean on Jesus. His word is active and alive and can change the way you feel. I am a living testimony and witness to the healing power of having a personal relationship with Him.
2. You can not do this alone.. you need wise counsel. I had been to many counselors at this point hadn't found much success. But, I didn't give up.. I kept looking and came across one who's whole goal was inner healing which produced outer transformation. She taught me how to talk to Jesus and how to discern His voice. I still see her today.. she is now more of a mentor to me. She has changed and saved my life:)
3. You also need community.. one that is walking down the same path as you. This helps you see that you are not alone. In this place of community you will find others who can share and help carry your pain. These people will become another family and life line for you.
4. You also need to engage in life giving mind altering perspectives. In the midst of depression you need to learn how to change the way you see. You need to be able to see more than just the bad.. You need to be trained on how to see the good too. For me I came to an understanding that depression wasn't necessarily a bad thing. It was place of "pressing down for me". It was a place where God was pressing out of me what didn't need to be there and also a place where God would fill me with new things.. things of Him that I would need to feel joy again. This is where I came up with the name of my blog.."Hollow to Whole". The Lord showed me that Depression wasn't bad .. it was a place "in between".. I was in the middle of a journey going from a place I knew to a place I didn't know. I had no experience or concrete context of the new place I was going.. but I knew faith would get me there.. and today I can honestly say.. I have found joy again. I don't blame God for the bad things that have happened anymore.. I know now to grab His hand when the bad things come. He teaches me in these places. He uses what the enemy sends my way to kill me to actually give me life. I have so much more than knowledge.. I have an "understanding"..
And.. the understanding is .. the joy of the Lord.. is actually my strength. His joy comes to us when we allow the grit of life to change us .. mold us.. transform us.. It builds character and a firm foundation that helps us stay strong when the next storm comes. We will do this process over and over again here on earth.. It helps to make us a clearer reflection of Him here on earth:)
Just so you know... the journey is messy.. it's hard.. but I feel like this is how Jesus wanted me to see it.. Life is not about doing everything right the first time.. We learn by living.. walking into the messy parts of life and taking note of our stuff.. Its never really about the other person or the circumstance.. It's all meant and sent to teach us.. it's always about making the person of you better, stronger from the inside out.
This is my take away from my journey through depression..
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